


While You Were Sleeping

by thisisntreallymeimnotreallyhere



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Misunderstandings, Slow Burn, While You Were Sleeping AU, fake engagement, happy endings, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 01:58:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9050737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisntreallymeimnotreallyhere/pseuds/thisisntreallymeimnotreallyhere
Summary: A Destiel version of While You Were Sleeping! Castiel is alone and floundering. He has a crush on one of the passengers who passes through his subway station every morning. When the man gets pushed onto the tracks, Cas saves him. But when they get to the hospital there's a mix up and Cas finds himself engaged to a complete stranger. Enter, the rest of the family, including big brother Dean. How will Cas navigate the relationship with his supposed future in-laws? What will he do when Sam finally wakes up? And why can't he stop thinking about Dean?





	1. The Accident

It was one of those mornings where the sky was all clouds and grey. But that was mid-December in New York City for you. Cas hunched his shoulders against the wind and tried to burrow deeper into his meager coat. He only had to walk five blocks to work so, all in all, it wasn’t that bad. But when the wind whipped around the corner of the buildings and the streets were slippery with fresh fallen snow, it seemed as if the walk took twice as long.

  
After what seemed like an eternity battling slick city sidewalks, Cas ducked into the familiar entrance of the subway station. He waved at one of the custodians before making his way to the employee locker room. It wasn’t long before his coworker Gabe showed up.

  
“Morning, Cassie! Ready for another exciting day working for the MTA?”

  
“Same as every other day,” Cas quipped. He knew his lines by now. He and Gabe would go through the same conversation every morning, starting from the first day that Gabe was hired.

  
“It’s not that bad,” Gabe tried to tell him. “At least we get to meet lots of interesting people.”

  
“Do we, though?”

  
“Now Cas, that’s not nice. You know some of these people can’t help being big, stinking piles of shit. We’re in New York!”

  
They put on their fluorescent orange work vests and walked out of the locker room together. Gabe patted Cas on the back as they each turned toward their assigned areas. Gabe helped people with the ticketing machines while Cas kept an eye on the platform. It was a repetitive and thankless job, but it paid the bills. Sort of. Despite everything, Cas was proud of the fact that he could make ends meet with just his paycheck instead of having to dip into his paltry savings.

  
His life wasn’t all that bad when he stopped to think about it. He knew Gabe and he knew some of his neighbors. He had a plant he hadn’t managed to kill yet. There was very little that he actually _needed_ that he didn’t already have, and that felt like a good thing, especially after what happened with his dad. Sometimes, however, he caught himself wondering -- _what if?_ What if he left New York? What if he traveled somewhere new? Somewhere warm? What if he met someone?

  
Usually these thoughts happened around six o’clock in the morning, at the start of rush hour. One of the good things about working the same job day after day was that Cas started to recognize the same faces. One of the faces that stood out to him from the very beginning was Fancy Hair, as Cas called him. He even told Gabe about it once, and now Gabe teased him relentlessly.

  
“He’s one of our regulars, Cassie,” Gabe would say. “It’s not like you can scare him off. Just go say hi.”

  
But Cas would always chicken out. Every morning he would walk to the end of the platform where Fancy Hair liked to wait. When Fancy Hair finally showed up he would give Cas a casual nod, which Cas would return just as casually, and then he would board his train. Cas tried to make it look like he wasn’t paying too much attention, but he noticed that Fancy Hair was always polite to the other passengers. He would even give a couple of dollars to the homeless man who wandered through the subway. It warmed Cas’s heart to know that there were still good people in the world.

  
The walky-talky at Cas’s hip started to crackle with an incoming call.

  
“Cassie, act natural! You have an incoming passenger!”

  
Cas quickly turned down the volume so that Gabe couldn’t embarrass him further. It didn’t matter what Gabe said, Cas was already waiting at the end of the platform for Fancy Hair. Sure enough, he looked at Cas and nodded in greeting. Cas nodded back and then pretended to turn his attention to the other passengers. The train came about a minute and a half later. Cas watched Fancy Hair get on the train, watched him maneuver so that everyone in his vicinity was comfortable. As soon as the train started pulling out of the station, Cas walked down the length of the platform to talk to Gabe.

  
“How’d it go, kiddo?” Gabe asked. The teasing tone of his voice was still there but it seemed softer this time. At least it wasn’t pity, Cas thought to himself.

  
“He was reading a new book today.”

  
“Did you ask him about it?”

  
“Maybe tomorrow,” Cas said, ducking his head and turning away. Rush hour would start in full force any minute now and Cas had a job to do. As boring as it was, Cas liked to think that it mattered to someone.

  
On his way home from work that afternoon, Cas stopped at the library and checked out the book that Fancy Hair had been reading. After all, if he ever got the courage to talk to him, he would need something to talk about.

  
\-----

  
“Morning, Cassie! Ready for another excited day working at the MTA?”

  
Cas rolled his eyes but he went through their typical routine. It was Saturday, so it would be a little slower this morning. Even so, he and Gabe walked out of the employee locker room and took their places as they normally would. The only difference was that Cas hung out closer to the turnstiles since there were less people coming through. He could get a good view of the entire platform from here and besides, he liked to hear Gabe tell stories about his social life. Cas wasn’t sure that Gabe always told the truth, but he liked to hear the stories just the same.

  
Cas watched as a group of college students passed through the turnstiles, obviously on their way home from a long night out. They were a little tipsy, but they weren’t drinking and they weren’t rough housing, so Cas let them wander down to the end of the platform where, hopefully, they wouldn’t cause too much trouble. A few minutes later Gabe got distracted by a tourist family that was confused by the ticketing machine. With nothing to distract him and nothing to pay attention to, Cas took out his library book and started to read.

  
“Good morning,” he heard an unfamiliar voice say, obviously trying to get his attention. Cas sighed and looked up from his book expecting an unfamiliar face. Much to his surprise he saw Fancy Hair instead. Cas had never known him to pass through on a Saturday before so his presence caught Cas off guard.

  
“Good book, huh?” Fancy Hair asked.

  
All Cas could do was stutter.

  
“I’m reading it too,” Fancy Hair explained. “But I’m further ahead than you are, so I won’t spoil anything for you.” He smiled at Cas as if they were old friends who were sharing an inside joke.

  
“Thanks,” was all Cas could manage to squeak out.

  
“Have a good day,” Fancy Hair said as he walked toward his usual spot.

  
It took a moment for Cas to collect himself. He groaned in frustration when he realized that he had just had his first conversation with his long standing crush.

  
“It’s a great book,” Cas mumbled to himself, thinking of all the things he could have said but didn’t. “We should talk about it sometime. Please come back.” But it was too late now. Cas turned to Gabe for comfort but he was still busy with the tourist family.

  
Slowly Cas began to register the sounds of a scuffle starting to build at the end of the platform. He turned to see the college students pushing Fancy Hair closer and closer to the edge. He heard one of them say, “everyone carries cash,” and another one say, “hand it over, man.”

  
“Gabe!” Cas called. “We have a code yellow!” Out of the corner of his eye Cas saw Gabe walk away from the ticketing machines and move closer to the turnstiles. Technically, Gabe wasn’t supposed to cross over, but it was nice to know that someone was watching his back. Cas began to walk toward the group on the platform hoping that his calm demeanor would help to descalate the situation. But when he was a few steps away one of the college students shoved Fancy Hair. He tripped over a loose tile and fell onto the tracks.

  
“Gabe!” Cas yelled, hoping that Gabe was watching and would call for help. The college kids rushed passed Cas, but he didn’t try to stop them. He knelt down on the edge of the platform to get a better look at what was happening. Unfortunately, things were quickly going from bad to worse. It looked like Fancy Hair had hit his head and was unconscious.

  
“Hey! Sir!” Cas yelled at the man below, hoping that he would wake up before anything else happened. “Please, please, wake up,” he whispered, more to himself than the man lying on the tracks. He turned toward Gabe hoping that he would have a suggestion, but he was having problems of his own. He had grabbed one of the college kids by the jacket and, despite his size, was managing to hold on pretty well. But the other group members were starting to push and pull at Gabe trying to get him to let go of their friend.

  
Suddenly Cas heard the sound of a train coming down the track.

  
“Gabe! The emergency switch!” Cas yelled, but he wasn’t sure if Gabe heard him, and even if he had heard him, he wasn’t sure if Gabe would be able to get free of the college kids. He tried yelling at the unconscious man again but he knew it was useless. The train was coming fast, Gabe wouldn’t be able to stop it on time, and the man on the tracks would die. There was only one thing left to do.

  
Cas took a deep breath and jumped.


	2. The Mix-Up

Cas assumed that once the firefighters had pulled him from the tracks, the worse would be behind him. But, as it turned out, it was just the beginning. The chaos continued.

  
It started with the EMTs insisting that Cas go to the hospital too, just to get checked out. Cas had no intention of spending money he didn’t have for medical attention he didn’t need. But there he was - in the back of an ambulance blaring its way down crowded city streets. Because Cas let himself get dragged there anyway, if only to make sure that Fancy Hair was alright.

  
Sam.

  
Turned out his name was Sam. The EMTs had found his name on the gym card in his back pocket. The nurses were currently trying to find his emergency contact, but Sam’s phone was locked. Meanwhile, the doctors were trying to get the details of the accident from Cas.

  
“He got pushed onto the tracks. No, I didn’t see him hit his head. He didn't respond when I yelled at him. I had to roll him off of the tracks.”

  
That seemed to get everyone’s attention.

  
“What? You jumped onto the tracks? Are you hurt too?”

  
There was flurry of doctors and nurses around him, taking his blood pressure and checking his pupil reaction.

  
“I’m fine,” Cas insisted, trying to swat them away. “I don’t want medical attention. Is Sam going to be OK?”

  
“We’re going to take him into surgery now,” someone helpfully answered. Cas followed as they began to push Sam’s gurney down the hallway.

  
“Hang on a second,” someone said, stopping Cas in his tracks. “Are you family?”

  
“No, but--” Cas tried to protest but he was cut off.

  
“Family only,” he was told and then unceremoniously left standing in the hallway.

  
Cas sighed in frustration. He turned towards the exit, wondering if he should just leave and go back to work. He hadn’t even clocked out, come to think of it. Gabe was probably worried. He turned back around to face the long hallway that Sam had just disappeared down.

  
“But I was going to marry him,” Cas whispered.

  
 _No, you weren’t going to_ , he told himself. He sighed again, this time in self defeat, before turning and walking towards the exit. But he was stopped by a nurse before he could get there.

  
“I don’t want medical attention,” he insisted, stepping around the older woman and continuing on his way.

  
“I can take you to see Sam,” the nurse called after him.

  
Cas stopped in the middle of the hallway and considered his options. He could leave now and go back to work where Gabe was probably waiting. Or he could stay here with Sam until he woke up. Sam would probably have questions. Cas could answer the questions, could reassure Sam that everything was OK. It’s what any decent person would do, whether or not they harbored a crush.

  
Right?

  
“Thank you,” was all Cas said, his voice sounding weak even to his own ears.

  
“I’m Missouri,” the nurse told him. “Just follow me.”

  
Next thing Cas knew he was planted in an uncomfortable chair in an otherwise vacant hospital room, waiting for Sam to get out of surgery.

  
\-----

  
It had been such a long afternoon. Cas had called Gabe to let him know where he was and why.

  
“Don’t worry about it, Cassie,” Gabe had told him. “You’re a lock for employee of the month anyway, so you just stay there and rest up.”

  
Missouri kept coming in to give him updates. “Sam’s surgery is going well… He’s in recovery now… They’ll be bringing him in any minute now…”

  
Before Cas knew it, Sam was being wheeled into the hospital room.

  
“I thought you said the surgery went well,” Cas accused Missouri when he realized that Sam was still unconscious.

  
“It takes some time with a head injury,” she explained.

  
The other doctors and nurses finally left the room, and Cas was left alone with Missouri and Sam.

  
“Talk to him,” she encouraged. “Let him hear your voice.”

  
Cas had assumed that Sam would be awake, that he would be asking Cas questions, but now the silence was deafening.

  
“It’s going to be OK,” Cas said. He wanted to reach out and take the other man’s hand, but he didn’t want to do anything that might make Sam uncomfortable. Instead, he hovered close to the bed, fiddling with the edge of the blanket.

  
“It’s going to be OK,” he repeated. He wondered if he could slip out and come back later. He hoped that Missouri wouldn’t mind calling him with updates. He was just about to ask when a commotion in the hallway caught their attention. Cas could hear people arguing just outside the door. Suddenly, the door was pushed open and four or five people came barreling inside.

  
A tall man with a demanding presence was the first in the room. He immediately turned to Missouri and started asking questions. “Is my son OK? What happened?”

  
A blonde woman was next. She was about the same age as the tall man, and the way she clung to his arm made Cas think that they were married. Instead of berating Missouri with questions like her husband she made her way over to the bed and stood opposite of Cas. She didn’t give any indication that she had even seen Cas. She just leaned down and cupped Sam’s face in her hands. “My baby,” she whispered. “What happened to you?”

  
Cas slowly started to back towards the wall when the other three people pushed their way into the room. There was an old man wearing an oversized Marines jacket, a gruff man with a beard and a teenage girl. Everyone was talking at once which made it hard for anyone to get any information. Finally, the tall man raised his voice so that everyone could hear.

  
“Quiet!” he bellowed. And surprisingly, everyone fell silent. Well, maybe not surprisingly, Cas thought. The man had an air to him that defied disobedience.

  
“What happened to my son?” he asked Missouri, this time in a much more reasonable tone. Missouri, for her part, didn’t look the least bit phased. _She probably deals with this all the time_ , Cas thought.

  
“He was pushed from the platform,” Cas said, stepping away from the wall to join the conversation. He instantly regretted it when all eyes turned on him.

  
“Who are you?” the blond woman asked.

  
Cas was getting ready to explain the whole situation when Missouri jumped in instead.

  
“That’s Sam’s fiancé,” she informed everyone, taking them all by surprise, including Cas. There was a beat of silence as everyone processed this information, and then the room erupted into confusion again.

  
“No...” Cas tried to explain, but people were already talking over him.

  
“Sam’s engaged?” the teenager exclaimed happily. “Does that mean we’re going to have a wedding?”

  
“Now, wait just a minute,” the tall man said, stepping toward Cas, forcing Cas to back up against the wall even though there was still the entire room between them. Luckily, the blonde woman stepped closer to her husband and put a hand on his elbow, stopping him from moving any closer to Cas.

  
“We should at least hear what he has to say, John,” she said.

  
“What’s happening?” the old man yelled as the bearded man tried to get him to lower his voice.

  
Cas turned to Missouri for help. When he caught her eye, he shook his head, hoping that she would be able to read his mind. But she didn’t say or do anything to stop the commotion. Actually, if he didn’t know any better, Cas would have sworn that she was smiling just a little bit. Just as he was seriously considering bolting for the door, the blonde woman had turned her attention and was talking directly to him.

  
“We haven’t seen him in so long,” she explained with tears in her eyes. “And then we got a call that he was hurt and in the hospital.” She pulled a deep breath into her lungs. “We thought he was alone, but he’s not. You’re here.”

  
“I should probably explain,” Cas tried to cut in, but the blonde woman interrupted his explanation, pulling him into a hug. He didn’t have the heart to push her away.

  
“Is Sam going to be alright?” the old man asked from across the room. Thankfully, this seemed to turn everyone’s attention from Cas to Missouri. She gave them a quick explanation of what had happened at the subway station, and then immediately after at the hospital. As soon as she was done she excused himself to go find a doctor, leaving Cas alone with these crazy people.

  
“You jumped onto the tracks to save him?” the tall man, John, asked.

  
“Well, yes. But--” Cas started to explain but he was cut off by another hug, this time from the teenage girl.

  
“Thanks for saving my big brother,” she said.

  
Cas wasn’t sure what to do so he patted her on the head.

  
“You’re welcome,” he answered.

  
The blonde woman sniffled.

  
“You saved him,” she said as she started to cry.

  
“OK, Mary, come here,” John said and pulled her into a bear hug.

  
“Excuse me,” Cas said as he wiggled his way out of the hug and started to move towards the door. “I need to talk to the nurse.” After he made his escape he wandered over to the nurse’s station to find Missouri. When Cas finally found her, it didn’t look like she was happy to see him.

  
“What was that all about?” Cas asked without preamble.

  
“What was what about?” she echoed.

  
“Why did you tell them I was Sam’s fiancé?”

  
“Because that’s what you said!”

  
“I never said that because it’s not true!”

  
“Now listen here, when they were taking Sam into surgery you said, ‘I was going to marry him.’”

  
Suddenly it all made sense.

  
Missouri was trying to help when she offered to bring Cas into the waiting room. Then there was the special treatment that the nursing staff showed him as he waited for news. The fact that Missouri was sure that Sam wanted to hear Cas’s voice.

  
“I was talking to myself,” Cas explained. He could hear the tiredness and exasperation in his own voice.

  
“Well next time, tell yourself you’re single and end the conversation,” Missouri quipped.

  
“You have to go in there and tell them that it was a mix up,” Cas demanded

  
“Not me, honey.”

  
“You’re the one that messed this up!”

  
Cas wanted to be firm, to hold his ground, but it didn’t take long for him to wither under her sharp gaze.

  
“I’m here for any medical questions the family might have,” she insisted. “Nothing more.”

  
“I… I can’t do it,” Cas explained. “She hugged me so tight. They think they have their son back.”

  
There was nothing clever to say in response. And so Missouri offered up an “I’m sorry,” her tone soft and sincere. “Just go in there and tell them the truth. You can blame me, if you want. I’ll be doing rounds for the next hour so they won’t be able to find me.”

  
Cas was so caught off guard that he almost laughed in her face. Instead, he took a deep breath and tried to pull himself together. This was an honest mistake, he realized. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault because there was no malicious intent. Missouri was right, all he had to do was go back into the hospital room and tell Sam’s family the truth. Better to do it now before it dragged out.

  
“Wish me luck,” Cas said as he walked back toward the room.

  
“Don’t forget, if they hurt you there’s a whole hospital here to take care of you!” she called after him.

  
“That’s less than helpful, Missouri,” he shot back before he turned the corner and walked down the hallway.

  
Cas didn’t think that the situation could get any worse. After all, today had been eventful enough. This is where Cas took control and turned things around. He could do this. Everything was going to be OK. When he got back into the room he realized just how wrong he had been.

  
The old man was on an oxygen machine, his family buzzing around him trying to make sure that he was OK. Cas wanted to leave to give them some privacy but the bearded man caught sight of him and beckoned him in. He met Cas halfway across the room, just out of earshot of everyone else.

  
“He has a heart condition,” the bearded man explained. “Too much excitement for one day, that’s all.”

  
“Oh, OK,” Cas answered dumbly. All of a sudden, his nerve left him and he didn’t know what else to say. If he told them the truth now there was real possibility that the old man would have a heart attack. Fate seemed to be against him so Cas didn’t want to risk it.

  
“Mary asked me to invite you over for dinner tomorrow,” the bearded man went on. “Here’s our address and the house phone number in case you get lost. Come a little early so we can get to know you.”

  
Cas didn't know what to say. He took a deep breath, briefly considered protesting, but then decided against it.

  
“Thanks,” was all he said. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  
He made his escape, back to his tiny studio, and cried himself to sleep.


	3. Meet the Parents

Scrubbing the bathroom and kitchen had kept Cas busy throughout the morning. But now he was thinking of moving the furniture so that he could give the place a good dusting. He had to admit, his nerves had him fussing. He took in a deep, lemony-fresh breath. It was only dinner, after all. He probably wasn’t even going to stay very long. Would it be awkward? Sure. But it was nothing to lose his head over.

  
Just in case, Castiel moved onto his bookshelf, which suddenly desperately needed reorganizing.

  
Eventually he took a shower and set upon the impossible task of trying to figure out what to wear. After the entire contents of his closet had been evaluated, he settled on a dark pair of jeans and a button down shirt. Presentable but not too overdressed. He wondered if he should wear a tie but decided against it. He left his studio with enough time to stop and buy a small gift for the Winchesters. Forty minutes later, he was standing on their front step with a poinsettia in his hands.

  
Cas peered at the Winchesters through the front window. They hadn’t noticed him yet. It looked like everyone who was at the hospital was here now too. They moved around each other as if they were in a dance -- everything was well-rehearsed and casual. There were soft touches and smiles being passed from person to person. They looked so happy and comfortable. Cas didn’t want to step in and ruin that. He would mess it up, he knew he would. He had better leave now before it was too late.

  
He started to turn around to leave but the door was flung open before he could get too far.

  
“Cas! What are you doing standing out there in the cold! Come inside and get warm!” Mary called out to him.

  
For a moment Cas thought about running. But the excited squeak from a teenager stopped him in his tracks.

  
“Is Cas here?!”

  
“He just arrived,” Mary called over her shoulder, gently pulling Cas in by his coat sleeve. “You must be freezing,” she said by way of greeting.

  
“I, um…” Cas was about to explain that this jacket was all he had, but he thought better of it. “This is for you,” he said instead, handing her the poinsettia.

  
“Aren’t you thoughtful!” Mary exclaimed as she took the plant from him and closed the door. “I’m going to put this in the kitchen where I won’t forget to water it. Come on, let me get you a drink.”

  
Cas followed her through the house and into the kitchen. He was almost knocked over when a petite girl ran into him from behind. He started to apologize for getting in her way but then there were arms wrapped around his middle and he realized that she was giving him a hug.

  
“Krissy,” Mary scolded. “Let Cas settle in.”

  
Krissy let go of him and bopped into the kitchen.

  
“Want some egg nog?” Krissy asked.

  
“There’s also warm cider, wine, or water, if you prefer,” Mary chimed in.

  
“Water will be just fine, thank you,” Cas said. He realized that he was still hovering in the doorway so he took a tentative step inside. “Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Winchester.”

  
“It’s our pleasure,” Mary insisted. “We can’t wait to have you join the family. And please call me Mary.” She handed him a glass of water and Cas nodded in thanks.

  
“You know Krissy,” she said, placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “My husband, John, and our friend, Bobby, just stepped out back to get some firewood. And my father-in-law, Henry, is in the living room.”

  
“It’s nice to see you all again,” Cas told her. If he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t sure if it was nice to see them or not. He still had a secret to confess to them. Should he do it now? The sooner the better, right? But Mary was talking to him before he could work up the nerve to confess.

  
“You’re just in time, dinner is ready a little early. Would you mind helping Krissy set the table?”

  
“Of course,” he agreed, and followed Krissy into the dining room. They were almost done when the back door burst open letting in a gust of cold air along with John and Bobby.

  
“Cold snap’s moving in,” Bobby announced to no one in particular.

  
“Smells good, Mary,” John called to his wife.

  
“We’re ready to eat as soon as you get in here,” she called back.

  
Before he knew it, Cas was settled at the table with Krissy on his left and Mary on his right. Henry was sitting across from him, Bobby was kitty corner to him, and John was across from Mary at the other end of table. It was obvious to him that family dinner was a regular occurrence in this family. They talked casually, about anything and everything, often carrying on more than one conversation at a time. Cas tried to jump in once or twice but he couldn’t keep up. Instead, he listened and watched as they talked to and over and around each other for the better part of an hour.

  
Slowly, he could feel himself getting more and more comfortable around them. Mary often reached out and patted his hand in reassurance. Krissy often turned to him to ask him questions about himself. Bobby and John even made an effort, and it didn’t look like Mary coerced them into it either. Cas wanted to bundle this moment up and live in it forever. It had been so long since he had had a family, and here he was being accepted with open arms.

  
He let them talk him into dessert, and then coffee by the fire. Cas sat in a corner of the couch with his legs tucked up under him, just watching. He lamented the smile seemingly permanently plastered on his face but - he couldn’t make himself stop. He wished so desperately for this to be real, for this family to _really_ accept him. So when they inevitably started asking him questions about his personal life he told them as much of the truth as he could.

  
“How did you and Sam meet?” Mary asked.

  
Cas took a deep breath before answering. He hated himself for misleading them. But right now he’d rather hate himself than lose them. _I can have tonight,_ he reasoned to himself. _I can keep this one good memory before I walk away._

  
“We met at my job,” Cas hedged. “I’m a... security consultant.”

  
“Wow, do you get to carry a gun?” Krissy chimed in.

  
“No, it’s not that kind of job,” Cas admitted with a smile.

  
“I bet you swept Sam right off his feet,” Mary prompted. John and Bobby huffed at the same time, no doubt in protest to the chick-flick scenario Mary was hoping to hear about.

  
“Actually, no,” Cas answered. “I was clumsy and awkward. It was Sam who swept me off my feet.” He felt the blush spread across his cheeks so he took a sip of his wine to try to hide his face.

  
“Dancing is the best way to meet people,” Henry piped up from his chair across the room.

  
“No one said anything about dancing, Dad,” John told him.

  
“What’s all this about someone sweeping Sam off his feet?” Henry asked.

  
“It’s a figure of speech,” Bobby tried to explain.

  
“Where did you go on your first date?” Mary asked, ignoring the three men.

  
“Um…” Cas took another sip of wine to give himself time to think. “The library,” he finally managed to blurt out. “There was a special exhibit.”

  
“Sam has always been a bookworm,” John offered.

  
“There’s no dancing at the library,” Henry critiqued.

  
“No one was dancing,” Bobby reminded him.

  
“What do you love most about him?”

  
“Krissy! That’s a little personal,” Mary gently scolded.

  
“No, it’s alright,” Cas reassured her. This one was easy. “He’s kind.”

  
“Yeah,” John agreed. “He always did want to save the world.”

  
Mary turned to her husband and whispered something to him that caused him to harumph in response. While Mary was distracted Krissy took the opportunity to ask one more question.

  
“Did he tell you anything about us?”

  
“Krissy!” Mary and John scolded her at the same time.

  
The poor girl looked like all the wind went out of her sails. She sat back on her heels and didn’t dare to look at anyone. Cas wished he could help her, to tell her that yes, of course Sam talked about you. Why wouldn’t he? But he didn’t have an answer for her, not even a well meaning lie. He took another sip of his wine.

  
“It’s alright,” Mary said, breaking the sudden tension in the room. “When this is over…” she started to say, but it looked like she was trying to fight back tears. She reached out for John who willingly offered his hand in support.

  
“We’re proud of him, we are,” John explained, but there was a note of regret in his voice. “Whatever differences we had over his career don’t seem so important anymore.” He looked at Mary and gave her hand a squeeze. “They haven’t for a while.”

  
“You’ll tell him that we love him and we miss him, right?”

  
Cas could almost feel his heart breaking for them.

  
“Of course,” he managed to tell her. He didn’t know what else to say.

  
“Well, enough with that!” Mary declared, putting on a brave face. “How about some presents?”

  
“I can help!” Krissy said, jumping up in excitement.

  
“I know it’s a little early,” John tried to explain to Cas. “It’s a family tradition to exchange gifts before things get too crazy.”

  
Cas smiled at that. He wondered what crazy looked like in this family. He would love to stick around to find out, but he decided that now was a good a time as any to say goodbye. After all, he didn’t want to intrude on a family tradition.

  
“Thank you for having me, everyone,” he said as he stood up.

  
“Where are you going?” Mary asked, walking back into the room with a box of gifts in her arms.

  
“I was going to go home. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome.”

  
“Nonsense! Besides, Santa didn’t forget about you,” she said with a wink. She balanced the box on the edge of the couch and pulled out one of the presents. Cas could see his name written on the tag. He held out his hand to accept it, but couldn’t bring himself to reach all the way.

  
“I didn’t bring anything,” he confessed.

  
“No one asked you to, sweetheart,” Mary said with a smile. “You’re welcome to stay if you’d like to.”

  
Cas finally reached out and took the present from her.

  
“Thank you,” he whispered.

  
He sat back down and watched as Mary handed out the rest of the presents. She seemed to understand that he needed a moment to himself because she kept redirecting the attention away from his corner of the room. Cas bounced the present back and forth between his hands for a little while, savoring the moment. Finally he began to unwrap his gift. He went slowly, trying not to rip the wrapping paper too much. When he was done he had a pile of something fluffy in his lap.

  
“Krissy knitted those,” Mary helpfully told him.

  
“They’re not crappy, though. I’m really good,” Krissy informed him.

  
“It’s true, my wife taught her to knit before she passed,” Henry chimed in.

  
“Before his wife passed, not Krissy,” John teased. Bobby chuckled next to him.

  
Cas examined his gift more closely. It turned out to be three gifts in one -- a scarf, a hat, and matching mittens. And just as Krissy had said, they were very well made. Cas knew that she couldn’t have made these in one day, that she must have had them already lying around, but he appreciated the gesture. A homemade gift, wrapped and presented to him as if he were part of the family.

  
How was he ever going to walk away from this?

  
“Put Dean’s gifts over there,” he heard Mary say to Krissy.

  
Dean? This was the first time that Cas had heard them mention another family member. Or maybe it was another family friend, like Bobby. Whoever it was, he was obvious special to the rest of the family. They placed his gifts in a neat pile under the tree, at least two gifts from everyone. Cas wasn’t sure if it was nerves or excitement, but his heart began to beat faster at the thought of meeting this mysterious stranger.

  
Cas’s head was in the clouds when Krissy chimed in. “I can’t wait for you to meet Dean!”

  
Cas didn’t want to give himself away by asking who Dean was so he just nodded along. Out of the corner of his eye he saw John sit a little straighter in his seat.

  
“He’s a good kid,” Bobby said, with the same look of pride on his face that John had. Cas smiled at them.

  
“Can’t wait,” he reassured them.

  
After the presents were opened and everyone had been properly thanked, Mary announced that it was time to clean up. Once again Cas tried to excuse himself, but Mary once again talked him into staying.

  
“It’s cold,” she reasoned. “And late, and you’ve had a couple of glasses of wine. Let me make up the couch for you and you can leave tomorrow morning.”

  
Cas was too tired and happy to argue. He helped her clean up the kitchen and then helped her tuck the sheets over the couch cushions. She hugged him goodnight. Krissy less hugged him then smothered him, but it was a very welcomed smother. John, Bobby, and Henry all shook his hand before turning in. He could hear them all shuffling around upstairs for a little while but they were all in bed soon enough. Cas lay in the dark of the unfamiliar place that had, somehow, instantly felt more like home than his own studio.

  
If he fell asleep now it would all be over. Right now the wine still buzzed in his head and he could still smell the meal that Mary had served for dinner. He could still feel the hugs that he had received and could still see the smiles that were meant for him. He felt a little selfish taking advantage of them like this, but not selfish enough to feel guilty. The guilt would probably come in the morning.

  
He set his alarm to leave for work, bright and early.

  
\-----

  
Cas felt well-rested despite the short amount of time that he had slept. He woke up with enough time to fold the blankets before he left. He wanted to leave a note of thanks, but he didn’t want to rifle through the Winchesters’ drawers looking for paper and a pen. He hoped that the folded sheets would be enough.

  
He bundled up in the scarf set that he had been given and was about to walk out the front door when he heard someone rustling around on the front porch. Cas didn’t know what to do. Should he wake someone up? Call for help? Before he could make up his mind the front door opened and someone stepped inside.

  
Cas realized almost immediately that the man had used a key to get in, so he was probably supposed to be here. Whoever this was would probably think that Cas was the intruder. He stepped forward before there could be any misunderstanding.

  
“Hi,” he whispered as quietly as he could, but the man still jumped. “Sorry! Sorry… I’m Cas.” He kept his voice low, just in case.

  
The man turned around and looked Cas up and down the way someone would look at a ghost.

  
“Sam’s fiancee?” the man clarified, keeping his voice low to match Cas’s.

  
Cas felt the guilt start to bubble up in his chest. He needed to get out of here.

  
“Um, yes,” he said, pushing his way closer to the door. “I was just leaving. I have to get to work.” The light was too dim to get a good look at the other man but he seemed to have a strong jawline and a solid build. Cas didn’t want to get in a fight with this guy, so he tried to make himself look as small as possible.

  
“I’m Dean,” the man told him, holding out a hand for Cas to shake.

  
Cas reached out to shake his hand but it was a little awkward with his hand covered in a mitten. “Your family has presents for you,” Cas nervously declared.

  
“Yeah,” Dean shrugged. “Family tradition.”

  
“Your father explained,” Cas told him. He didn’t know what else to say, and Dean didn’t seem to want to fill the silence so it dragged out between them until Cas was ready to run.

  
“I have to get to work,” he repeated.

  
“Right,” Dean said, stepping back. “See you around, Cas.”

  
Cas smiled halfheartedly. If he stuck to his plan this would be the only meeting he would have with Dean.

  
“You too, Dean,” he heard himself lie.

  
He closed the door behind him, reluctant to leave behind the first and last time he would be welcome here.


	4. A Confession

“Morning, Cassie! Ready for another exciting day working for the MTA?”

  
Cas almost knocked Gabe over in his enthusiasm to hug him. He knew that Gabe was trying to be annoying but Cas didn’t care. This was something normal, something familiar, something that was all Cas’s and no one could take it away from him.

  
“Whoa, hey,” Gabe soothed, obviously startled at Cas’ outburst. “Everything OK, kiddo?”

  
Cas smiled and stepped back.

  
“I just…” Cas didn’t know how to put into words how special he thought Gabe was. Cas was awkward and antisocial. Gabe accepted him anyway. “Thanks for all your help the other day,” he finished lamely.

  
“What happened?” Gabe asked. He opened the door and let Cas lead the way out of the employee locker room. “I mean, what happened at the hospital? You never told me if everything turned out alright.”

  
Cas wanted to tell Gabe everything. But if he told Gabe now then the illusion would be shattered. He was pretty sure he would have enough courage to make his confession to the Winchesters this evening after work. That only gave him a few more hours to live with this daydream. He would cling to every last minute.

  
“Everything turned out alright,” Cas told him. “His family showed up and I explained what happened, and they said they would keep me updated about Sam’s condition.”

  
“Ooh! Lover boy has a name?”

  
“That’s all you got out of my answer?”

  
“Maybe he’ll be so thankful that you saved his life that he’ll ask you to marry him!”

  
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Cas let himself be encouraged by Gabe’s attitude. His friend could find the silver lining in anything, even the tragedy of Cas’s love life.

  
“I’d settle for a date,” Cas chuckled, more at Gabe’s optimism than at the probability of it actually happening.

  
But Gabe spent the rest of the morning teasing him about Sam and the possibilities that awaited him when Sam woke up. Cas blushed and smiled and played along. After all, he had decided that he was going to hold on to this fantasy for as long as possible, right? Imagining a future with Sam was one of the perks. Besides, Gabe was trying so hard to cheer him up.

  
When his shift was finally over, he decided to take a walk to clear his head. He waved goodbye to Gabe and started wandering aimlessly down the streets, exploring the neighborhood that he lived in but didn’t really know. He thought about the Winchesters and their family traditions, about how much they missed Sam, and how much love they showered on Dean. It made him think about his father and everything he lost. He thought about his own life for the first time in years, and what he really wanted. So it didn’t surprise him when he ended up at the hospital where Sam was recovering.

  
He waived to Missouri as he walked past the nurses station. She smiled at him and waved back. Cas noticed that there was no pity in her smile, just affection. It was nice to know that she wasn’t judging him for coming to visit his fake fiance.

  
Cas stepped quietly through the door but didn’t walk too far into the room. He stood against the wall so that he could just barely see Sam around the curtain.

  
“Hi,” was all he could think of to say. He took a deep breath and tried to put into words what it was he was thinking and feeling.

  
“I hope you don’t mind that I came to visit you. I’m on my way to your parents’ house to confess everything. I just wanted to say goodbye.”

  
Sam didn’t respond. _Of course he’s not going to say anything_ , Cas thinks. _But maybe that’s a good thing for once._

  
“Your family is nice,” he tells Sam. “It’s a shame that you stopped talking to them. They included me in their gift exchange. They had known me for less than twenty four hours and they gave me a present.” He heard his voice crack and was glad that no one was around to witness his meltdown.

  
“If I had a family like yours I would never leave them. All I’ve wanted out of life is a family. My dad was all I had and now he’s gone and all I have is a cactus.” Cas knows how dramatic he’s being but he can’t stop.

  
“I imagined a life with you, you know?” It felt safe to admit that here in the quiet of the hospital. “You were kind and handsome, and I imagined what life would be like if you noticed me. I’m sorry I never got the courage to talk to you when you were awake. I’m sorry that I’m here bothering you now. It’s not fair. You’re a stranger.” He wiped the tears from his cheeks and took a deep breath to try to calm himself down.

  
“I borrowed your family for a day. I hope you don’t mind. They were excited to see me. I think it made them feel like they were closer to you. Whatever happens next, I hope that you know how much they love you.” There, that was all he came to say. He could go confess to Mary and John now, and feel like he had gotten everything off his chest.

  
He was just about to walk out the door when he heard a noise come from behind the curtain. It sounded like someone had knocked into the medical equipment.

  
“Is someone there?” he asked just to make sure it was his imagination. But to his surprise someone answered.

  
“Balls!”

  
Cas stalked across the room and pushed the curtain aside.

  
“Bobby!”

  
“Hey, Cas. Good to see you, son.” Bobby kept his voice casual, as if it was completely normal to bump into Cas like this.

  
“What are you… Why are you… Did you…” He couldn’t seem to form a complete sentence. He also couldn’t settle on an emotional reaction. Was he mad? Confused? Betrayed? Maybe he was all of those things at once.

  
“I came to check on Sam,” Bobby admitted.

  
“So did I,” Cas told him.

  
“And to take confession, it sounds like.”

  
Cas backed away if only to give himself some room to think.

  
“How much did you hear?” he asked tentatively.

  
“Everything,” Bobby admitted with a sigh.

  
“I swear, I am on my way to tell them right now!”

  
“Well, I’ll go with you,” Bobby said and put his arm around Cas’s shoulder. At first, Cas thought that Bobby was going to hold on to him to make sure that he didn’t try to escape, but Bobby’s grip wasn’t tight at all. In fact, it felt more affectionate than angry. But they didn’t even get as far as the door before Bobby stopped him with a tug.

  
“I have a suggestion,” Bobby said into the silence. Cas didn’t dare turn to look at him. He braced himself for the worst, but what Bobby suggested wasn’t what Cas expected at all.

  
“How about you let this play out for a while?” The silence hung between them, stretched out into more and more awkward lengths. Bobby had to repeat himself before Cas could overcome his shock.

  
“You mean, keep lying to them?”

  
“Is it lying, though?”

  
“Yes!”

  
“Even if it means helping them through this difficult time.”

  
“The situation is difficult even with me here. Lying isn’t going to make it better.”

  
“They took care of me when I went through some low points in life, and I took care of them sometimes, too. You don’t have to be blood to be family.”

  
More than anything Cas wanted to accept this. He remembered the welcome that they gave him last night, and the love that they showed for their son even though the relationship was obviously strained.

  
“I can’t lie to them anymore. They’re good people.” Cas felt that tension build in his chest once again. “What happens when Sam wakes up? I’ll lose them and it’ll be worse than if I had just confessed.”

  
Cas was glad to see that Bobby looked contrite. He shuffled in place, looked at his shoes, looked over at Sam. In fact, he was looking everywhere but at Cas.

  
“Just a little while longer,” Bobby asked him. “At least through Christmas. And when it’s time, I’ll be there to help you tell them. I’ll take the blame.”

  
Cas still wasn’t sure. Would Bobby be able to convince the Winchesters that the white lie was done with the best of intentions? It was a gamble, that much Cas knew. But did the benefits outweigh the possible risks? Bobby must have seen him hesitate because he doubled his efforts to try to convince Cas.

  
“Come over for dinner again tonight. You were headed over there anyway. Come see if you really want to let them go.”

  
Cas knew that as soon as he agreed to dinner that he would be agreeing to the whole thing. He would lose the fight as soon as Mary welcomed him into the house, as soon as Krissy gave him another hug, as soon as John nodded at him approvingly. Bobby knew it too.

  
“Fine,” Cas conceded. “One more dinner, but that’s it. I won’t invite myself over after tonight, I won’t accept their invitations. I’ll let them think that I’m engaged to Sam but I won’t build relationships with these people if I’m going to lose them.”

  
Bobby looked excited at first but by the time Cas finished his speech he looked more dejected than happy.

  
“That’s fair,” he agreed. “Although they’ll miss you and so will I.”

  
Cas wasn’t sure if Bobby was talking about missing him over the next few days or after all of this was over. Either way, it didn’t matter. Cas followed Bobby out the door and together they made their way to the Winchesters’ house.

  
“Look who I found!” Bobby announced as he let them in. Krissy ran into the hallway to see what all the commotion was about.

  
“Cas is here!” she announced excitedly over her shoulder. She bounced over to him and wrapped him in a hug as everyone filtered out of the living room to greet him. _I’m such a sucker_ , Cas thought to himself, but he gave Krissy a hug anyway and let Mary usher him deeper into the house.

  
What he wasn’t expecting was to find someone else already there.

  
“Cas, you didn’t get to meet Dean the other night,” Mary said by way of introduction.

  
“We met in passing,” Cas explained. “I was on my way out and Dean was just coming in.”

  
“Good to see you again,” Dean said, drawing Cas’s attention. He was glad to see that his impression from the other night was true. Dean had a strong jawline and a solid build. But in this light it was easy to see what he had missed the other night. Dean had the brightest, greenest eyes that Cas had ever seen. There were freckles dusted across the bridge of his nose and a mouth that had Cas brushing away inappropriate thoughts. The baseball style t-shirt that he was wearing showed off his broad shoulders while his jeans did nothing to hide his bow legs.

  
“Hello, Dean,” he said. “I’m sorry we didn’t have a chance to get to know each other better the other night.”

  
Dean nodded at him but didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure if Dean was always this gruff or if it was just Dean’s reaction to him. Bobby walked over and patted Dean on the back affectionately.

  
“Down, boy,” he heard Bobby whisper to Dean. Dean seemed to relax marginally, but it was nice to know that Bobby was on his side, just in case.

  
So he spent another laugh filled evening with the Winchesters. He liked to watch them interact with each other. One thing he noticed was how differently they acted now that Dean was here. He seemed to bring out the best in his family - more smiles, stories full of happy memories, and lots of laughter. It was heartwarming to see.

  
Cas was also getting better and better at jumping into the conversations. They would ask him questions about his life, and he would happily answer. He reciprocated by asking each of them at least one personal question. However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get close enough to talk to Dean. It was almost as if Dean was avoiding him on purpose.

  
At the end of the night Mary insisted that Cas take home some leftovers for the next day. She stepped into the kitchen to get everything ready while he stepped into the hallway to get his jacket.

  
“To bad you can’t choose your family, huh?”

  
He turned to find Dean watching him, his arms folded across his chest and his legs planted firmly on the floor. He was standing just out of earshot of the living room, but was keeping plenty of space between himself and Cas.

  
“Why? Would you not choose this family?” Cas found it hard to believe that anyone would give them up.

  
“They’re loud and rude and pushy,” Dean told him.

  
“They’ve been kind to me,” Cas argued.

  
“That’s because they think you’re engaged to Sam.”

  
Something in the tone of Dean’s voice made Cas catch his breath. Was this the reason for Dean’s distant behavior?

  
“What do you think, Dean?” he asked cautiously.

  
Dean looked him over. His eyes moved slowly, from Cas’s too-messy hair down to the too-sharp planes of his face. Across his chest, slowly panning down his legs. Dean’s eyes moved with such deliberation across Cas’s body, as if he were sizing him up. Cas could see the wheels turning in his head.

  
“I know my brother better than anyone. You’re not his type.”

  
Cas wasn’t sure if he should be impressed with his observation skills or if he should be scared that Dean was about to expose his secret. He decided to push back a little to see what would happen.

  
“Whose type am I?”

  
Cas was satisfied to see that Dean shifted uncomfortably in place. It looked like he was getting ready to argue but Mary chose that moment to walk into the hallway and join them.

  
“Here you go,” she said, handing Cas some tupperware containers. “These should get you through a couple of days.”

  
“Thank you, Mary,” Cas said, and he meant it.

  
Dean stepped forward and put his arm around his mother in a protective gesture.

  
“I was just telling Cas that I have an engagement present for him and Sam.”

  
This caught Cas off guard. Dean had gone from hostile to friendly future brother-in-law in a matter of moments.

  
“How about I swing by sometime to give it to you, Cas?”

  
“That would be… fine,” Cas agreed, even though it was anything but fine. “Mary has my number so why don’t you text me when you have some free time and I’ll give you my address.”

  
“Sounds good! Bye, now!” Dean moved toward him, crowding him closer to the door and practically shoving him out.

  
Cas could hear Mary berating Dean as he closed the door with a scowl. Cas glanced through the window to where he knew Bobby was sitting on the couch. Thankfully, Bobby was paying attention. He just rolled his eyes and shrugged in response to the commotion coming from the hallway.

  
He was glad that he had someone in his corner. He was glad that most of the Winchesters liked him. Now all he wanted was for Dean to accept him as willingly as everyone else had.


	5. Deep Conversations

It had been a couple of days since Cas had been to the Winchesters’ house. He caught himself smiling every time he thought about them. Every now and then he would start to worry about his impending “date” with Dean, but he tried not to let it threaten his good mood. When he started to get worried, he would calm himself down by pulling up a happy memory of one of the other members of the family. He ate Mary’s leftovers and wrapped himself in Krissy’s scarf and he let himself get sucked further into the fantasy.

  
He had promised himself that he would stay away from the Winchesters, but that didn’t stop him from thinking about them. He even met Bobby once or twice at the hospital. Bobby wasn’t technically a Winchester so Cas rationalized that he wasn’t breaking his rule. He and Bobby talked to each other as much as they talked to Sam. They even went to visit Sam’s apartment one afternoon after Missouri gave Sam’s keys to Cas. They watered a couple of plants and chatted with the doorman about the weather. It felt nice, normal even. Cas relished it.

  
About half way through the week he got another pleasant surprise. He was at work, keeping an eye on a particularly rambunctious five year old, when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around expecting someone to ask him a question, but to his surprise Krissy was standing in front of him.

  
“Hi, Cas!” She chirped. “Surprise!”

  
“It sure is,” he said, smiling at her in greeting. Without thinking too much he leaned over the turnstiles and gave her a hug. As he pulled back he realized it was a far cry from their first hug when he had patted her on the head.

  
“I was visiting Sam, so I thought I’d come say hi.”

  
“That’s very thoughtful of you.” He used his employee card to open the gate for her and waved her through. “You’re not in school?”

  
“I’m a senior, I get to leave campus during lunch breaks and study halls.”

  
Cas was just about to ask her how the rest of her family was doing when Gabe walked up behind them.

  
“Who is this?” Gabe asked with mock bravado. “Cas. Friend, compadre, she’s too young for you.”

  
“That’s not funny,” Cas argued on her behalf, but Krissy didn’t seem to mind. Cas was relieved that she was able to pick up Gabe’s odd humor.

  
“I’m Sam’s sister,” she introduced herself.

  
“Sam’s sister,” he repeated, wiggling his eyebrows at Cas. “Finally met the family, huh Cas?”

  
Cas could feel a blush starting to rise on his cheeks. He still hadn’t told Gabe about the predicament that he was in. Thank goodness the conversation didn’t have to go on for much longer.

  
“You’re train is here,” Cas announced and gave Krissy a gentle nudge toward the platform.

  
“Sam’s sister, huh?” Gabe continued to tease. “Why do you need to get buddy-buddy with family, huh? Cas?”

  
Cas couldn’t tell if he was amused or horrified. He decided to over exaggerate his answer in the hopes of getting Gabe off his case.

  
“Well, Sam and I were planning on eloping over the holidays. Didn’t I tell you? I’m trying to smooth it over with the family.”

  
Gabe blinked in surprise as the passengers began to board the train. “Did you… Oh my God, did you just make a joke?”

  
Cas rolled his eyes and walked further down the track to pick up a bag of litter that someone left behind. He needed a moment to compose himself after that conversation. He hadn’t planned on telling Gabe the truth, but he hadn’t planned on any of Sam’s family showing up here either. Maybe he should confess to Gabe? Bobby found out, and that had turned out alright. He walked back toward Gabe, but he never got the chance to put his plan into action. His phone distracted him just as he was about to start talking.

  
“That might be the hospital,” Cas explained to Gabe as he answered the call. But he was wrong.

  
“Hi, it’s Dean,” a gruff voice said on the other end of the line.

  
“Dean. Hi.” Cas looked at Gabe who was regarding him with curiosity. He walked down the platform to give himself some privacy.

  
“Is everything OK?” Cas asked.

  
“Yeah, of course. I thought I could drop off the engagement gift this afternoon.”

  
Cas almost laughed with relief. Out of all the Winchesters, Dean was the one he couldn’t get a handle on. Part of Cas assumed that Dean had called to yell at him. For what, Cas didn’t even know. But he wouldn't have been surprised if Dean had started yelling.

  
“Yes, that will work. I get off of work in about two hours.”

  
“Great, I can meet you at your apartment.”

  
“Oh.” Cas hadn’t even thought about that. Did he want Dean to know where he lived?

  
“Cas?”

  
“I’ll text you the address,” he said and hung up before Dean had a chance to say goodbye.

  
He walked back over to Gabe expecting more ridicule but Gabe must have sensed his change in mood.

  
“You alright?”

  
“I was,” he admitted. “I will be eventually. I don’t know.”

  
“You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to, but I hope you have someone helping you through… whatever is going on.”

  
Cas smiled fondly when he finally looked at Gabe.

  
“Thanks. I do have someone, actually.”

  
“Are you friend-cheating on me?” Gabe asked with affront. Ah, there was the Gabe that Cas knew and loved.

  
“Yes,” Cas teased. “With an old, bearded guy.”

  
The rest of his shift went by faster than he expected. Sooner than he thought possible, he was standing on the sidewalk in front of his apartment building waiting for Dean to show up. Dean wasn’t even late, but Cas got more and more nervous the longer he waited. Finally, he heard a truck rumble down the road. Cas watched as it was parked across the street from where he was standing and Dean stepped out.

  
Dean was wearing what Cas could only describe as “work clothes.” An oversized t-shirt layered with a flannel shirt layered with a sturdy jacket. It was a far cry from the comfortable, casual clothes that Dean was wearing the other night. Dean even seemed to carry himself differently in these clothes. He strutted more, glared more. It made Cas’s stomach turn.

  
“This is where you live?” Dean asked before Cas could even say hi. “It’s kind of… rough.”

  
“You should see the other guy,” Cas joked, but Dean didn’t respond. Cas took a deep breath and tried to get his emotions under control. “I make weird jokes when I’m nervous,” he explained. This managed to get Dean’s attention.

  
“You’re nervous?”

  
“I was nervous the first time I met your family, too,” Cas explained, hoping that was enough of an excuse to get Dean to give him some slack.

  
“When you met them at the hospital?”

  
“Everything from the hospital is kind of a blur. I was referring to the first family dinner I attended.”

  
“Yeah,” Dean agreed. “They can come on kind of strong.”

  
“Yes,” Cas agreed. “But they can also love deeply. I haven’t know them that long but I can see that already.”

  
Dean looked at him like he was seeing Cas for the first time. It looked like Dean wanted to be impressed but was holding himself back. Instead he started moving back to the truck, motioning for Cas to follow him.

  
“Figured you guys could use something to decorate your first apartment together when you finally get married.”

  
Cas chuckled as he remembered the bare walls and minimal furniture in Sam’s apartment.

  
“If Sam lets me decorate,” he joked.

  
Dean gave him that impressed-yet-cautious look that he was beginning to recognize. It didn’t last long though. Dean opened the back of the truck and jumped inside, giving Cas room to follow behind him. Cas found himself standing in front of a large, flat, rectangular object. There was a large sheet draped over it to protect it from the elements. Cas reached out and gently moved the sheet aside.

  
It was a photograph of a castle in the mountains. Cas could see fog rolling in along the edges of the photo, trying to obscure the landscape, but the setting sun illuminated the edges of everything, giving it new life. The castle stood tall, yet seemed so withered at the same time. It took Cas’s breath away.

  
“I love it,” he told Dean who was hovering just behind him.

  
“Really?”

  
“It’s beautiful. You can feel the emotion that the photographer was trying to capture. It’s such an open, vulnerable space, yet everything in the photo seems to be protecting the one, delicate spot.”

  
Cas heard Dean huff behind him.

  
“Did I say something wrong?” he asked, turning to face Dean.

  
“No, that was… You didn’t say anything wrong.” Maybe it was the cold, but Cas could almost swear that he saw a blush spread across Dean’s cheeks. “Anyway, your present is over here.”

  
“This isn’t it?”

  
“No, that’s a special delivery I was taking care of today. Your present is back here.”

  
Dean stepped further into the truck and Cas followed him. Strapped to the back wall of the truck was a long, low standing cabinet with small cubbies and large drawers along the front. It looked like something that he would find in an antique shop.

  
“What is it?” Cas asked.

  
“It’s a wine rack,” Dean explained. “Sorry, a wine sideboard.”

  
“It won’t fit in my studio,” Cas told him.

  
“I can help you move some stuff around,” Dean offered.

  
“No, I mean, it really won’t fit into my studio. We wouldn't be able to get it up the stairs, and even if we did, we’d have to get it through the door. And if we managed that I wouldn't have any room left to walk around.”

  
Cas could tell that Dean was disappointed. Despite what Dean may think of Cas it was obvious that he wanted to give Sam something nice to celebrate his engagement. Suddenly, Cas had an idea.

  
“Why don’t we bring it to Sam’s apartment instead?”

  
“I don’t know, will it fit?” Dean teased.

  
Cas gave him a withering look. Two could play at that game.

  
“You know that Sam doesn’t live in a ‘rough’ apartment.” He was pleased with the shocked-yet-impressed look that crossed Dean’s face. “Besides, I think I know where we could put it.”

  
“I don’t have a key,” Dean admitted.

  
“I do.”

  
And that’s how Cas found himself sitting in the passenger seat of the truck, driving across town with Dean. It was driving Cas crazy that they weren’t talking to each other. There was so much that he wanted to know about Dean, but Dean didn’t seem to want to give him a chance. They still hadn’t said anything to each other by the time they got to Sam’s apartment building. Cas was a little worried that his cover was blown when the doorman stopped them as they walked into the lobby of Sam’s building.

  
“I’ll need to see ID,” the doorman told them. Dean turned towards Cas expectantly. Thank goodness it was the same doorman from the other day when he was here with Bobby.

  
“Not him. I need your ID, sir,” the doorman said to Dean. Dean looked surprised for a second but then handed over his ID. Cas decided to rub it in a little bit.

  
“How’s the new kitten?”

  
“Settling in just fine, Mr. Novak. Thanks for the advice on the kitty litter.”

  
“Of course,” Cas said. “We need to protect your carpets.”

  
As soon as Dean got his ID back they carried the sideboard to the maintenance elevator and up to Sam’s apartment. Cas convinced Dean to carry it to the back of the apartment into the dining room. Just as Cas had hoped, the space was just large large wide enough to fit the furniture. He and Dean lined it up so that it was centered and then stepped back to admire their work. Cas thought that everything was going well, but he should have know better.

  
“What’s Sam’s favorite ice cream flavor?”

  
So this is what Dean wanted to do? Quiz him on Sam’s habits to prove that Cas didn’t belong. Cas could give up, should give up and tell Dean everything before it was too late. But he had spent the last two days convincing himself that he was part of the Winchester family. It was the stubborn streak in him that wanted to argue with Dean.

  
“Mint chocolate chip,” he answered. He had seen a tub of it in the freezer when he was here the other day.

  
“Favorite sports team?”

  
“The Mets.” Bobby had told him a story of taking Sam to his first baseball game at Shea Stadium.

  
“His first kiss?”

  
This question caught Cas off guard. He tried not to panic, but all he could come up with was the truth.

  
“He never told me.”

  
“Ha!” Dean turned to him and started gloating before he slipped his mask on again. “He never told me either, actually.”

  
Cas smiled. That was a close call.

  
“Any tattoos?”

  
Cas blushed to the tips of his ears. One time Sam had pulled his sweater off while he was waiting for the train. His pants had been riding low and Cas got a glimpse of a tattoo that he was sure Sam didn’t want people to know about.

  
“A pair of antlers… down there.”

  
Dean snickered.

  
“That was my fault. OK, Cas. One more question.”

  
Dean turned to face him, so Cas did the same. Even though they were standing inches apart from each other, Cas didn’t want to give Dean the satisfaction of backing up or looking away.

  
“Let’s have it.”

  
“Why do you love my brother?” Dean asked, his voice somber.

  
Cas took a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts. There were the facts that he could learn about Sam, but that was just surface stuff. Dean was right, the heart of relationship was about how and why two people connected.

  
“I was alone,” Cas admitted. He could hear the tremor in his own voice but he hoped that Dean wouldn’t pick up on it. “For a long time it was just me and my dad, but then he got sick. We moved to New York and enrolled him in this experimental program but … it was too late. It… I think he didn’t want to leave me alone. It took him a while to…”

  
Cas was grateful that Dean finally took a step back. Cas took the opportunity to catch his breath while he tried to think of what to say next. He didn’t want to lie, but how could he explain the depth of a relationship that he wasn’t a part of?

  
“After my dad… I was alone. I was that way on purpose. Sam stepped in and… gave me a reason to be happy again.”

  
“That’s too much pressure to put on Sam,” Dean cut in. It sounded like he was trying to protect his brother while trying to give advice to Cas at the same time.

  
“I know,” Cas reassured him. “We didn’t start dating right away. I had to get reintroduced to myself, if that makes sense. I wanted to offer Sam a worthy partner.”

  
Several seconds of silence hung between the two men before Dean spoke. “It makes sense.”

  
“He was the one that gave me a reason to start living and loving again. He always gives me something to aim for. That’s why I love him.”

  
Thankfully Dean didn’t have any follow up questions. When Cas finally looked at him again Dean looked softer, more open. Cas was fascinated by how easy it was to read Dean’s expressions - even though the other man probably thought he was being so cautious. An undisturbed quiet stretched between them once again. But this time - it wasn’t uncomfortable; rather, it was a peculiar mix of familiar and exciting. Cas was just letting himself sink into how nice it felt when Dean spoke.

  
“I should probably drive you home,” he said, clearing his throat abruptly. “I have other deliveries to make today.”

  
“Yes, of course. Thanks again.”

  
It was a quiet ride back to his neighborhood, but it was much more comfortable than the ride they took to Sam’s apartment. Dean hummed along to the radio and drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. Cas, for his part, was still trying to process their conversation from earlier. Before he knew it, they were back in front of his building.

  
“Thanks for the gift,” he said as he opened the door and hopped down to the sidewalk.

  
“Cas?”

  
He turned around and gave Dean his full attention.

  
“Yes, Dean?”

  
“Welcome to the family.”

  
He smiled as he waved goodbye to Dean. He smiled as he walked up the stairs and into his apartment. He smiled as he remembered the day. He smiled at how good it felt that it seemed he had won over Dean. In fact, Cas couldn’t seem to stop smiling.


	6. Dean's Point of View

Well, this was shaping up to be a bitch of a week. Dean was so frustrated he could scream. First Sammy was in an accident, and then it turned out that Sammy had a fiance, and now his family wouldn’t shut up about the guy. He almost chopped his sister’s head off when she showed him her latest knitting project.

  
“Cas asked me all about it when he was here the other night. I’m going to show him the colors for my new blanket the next time I see him.”

  
Instead of snapping at Krissy he had decided to step outside and get some fresh air. What was so special about Cas anyway? And what kind of name was Cas? His first impression of the guy wasn’t that great. He had acted like a scared little mouse when they had crossed paths in the middle of the night. And he was quiet and creepy when he was here for family dinner. He seriously doubted that Cas had asked Krissy about her knitting project. And what was with his mom giving him leftovers? Giving him _pie_?! That was the special pie that she baked for Dean.

  
Dean rolled his shoulders and forced himself to relax. He was out delivering furniture this afternoon so he had stopped at a diner for lunch. His cellphone was staring at him from the table, taunting him. He knew he had to call Cas sooner rather that later, but he didn’t want to. He really, really didn’t want to spend any time with that guy at all.

  
But according to his family and according to the hospital, Cas was Sam’s fiance. And if that were true (which Dean had serious doubts about), then his brother deserved to be happy. Dean had offered an engagement gift for Sam’s benefit, not Cas’s. What would happen if Sam woke up and discovered that Dean had been rude to his future husband? Sam could potentially pull away from the family completely and Dean wouldn’t be able to stomach the fact that it was his fault.

  
But that didn’t mean that he had to accept Cas’s story hook, line, and sinker either. In fact, Dean intended to prove to his family that Cas wasn’t the lost little angel they thought he was. There was something off about the guy that Dean couldn’t place his finger on, but he intended to get to the bottom it. Before his mom gave away any more pie.

  
With a sigh he picked up the phone and dialed Cas’s number. Cas picked up after the third ring.

  
“Hello?”

  
“Hi, it’s Dean.”

  
“Dean? Hi!” There was a beat of silence during which it sounded like Cas was moving to a quieter spot. “Is everything OK?”

  
“Yeah, of course,” Dean answered, trying to make his voice sound light and friendly even though he was never very good at that. “I thought I could drop off the engagement gift this afternoon.”

  
“Yes, that will work. I get off of work in about two hours.”

  
“Great!” Dean lied. “I can meet you at your apartment.” That seemed to cause Cas to hesitate. Did he not want Dean at his apartment? What skeletons would Dean find if he got inside? Would there be actual skeletons?

  
“Cas?”

  
“I’ll text you the address,” Cas said and then hung up before Dean could say anything else.

  
The whole conversation put Dean in a worse mood than he had been in, if that were even possible. He paid his bill, tipped the waitress generously for putting up with his grumpiness, and walked back to his truck. The engagement gift was already in the back so Dean didn’t have to worry about going to pick it up before he met Cas. He finished his delivery route and then started driving back towards the city. Even though he ended up being right on time, Cas was still waiting for him out on the sidewalk.

  
“What a creep,” Dean mumbled to himself as he got out of the truck.

  
He fully intended to put the guy through the ringer. He planned on asking Cas as many probing questions as he could think of and keeping an eye out for any inconsistencies in his story. To Dean’s utter surprise, Cas passed every test. He complimented Dean’s family and joked about Sam’s taste in decorating. But it was his honest opinion about Dean’s photograph that caught him off guard.

  
Dean had taken that photo several years ago when he took a road trip through the Canadian Rockies. Cas had called it a castle but it was more of a fortress. It had always been one of Dean’s better photos, and it made Dean proud every time he looked at it. But Cas had put into words exactly why he was proud, which is something no one had ever managed to do before.

  
“Did I say something wrong?” Cas had asked with wide, innocent eyes. God, Dean was a sucker for blue eyes. And Cas’s were a kind of blue you just wanted to bathe in. He had brushed it off and changed the subject.

  
The ride to Sam’s apartment was tense. He could tell by Cas’s body language that he was uncomfortable. He was sitting as far away from Dean as possible without actually leaning out the window. In fact, they didn’t say one word to each other on the ride there, or when they were carrying the furniture down the sidewalk. Dean had purposefully let Cas lead the way to make sure that he knew where he was going. Cas didn’t seem to be phased by it because he walked into Sam’s building without any hesitation.

  
Dean thought he had finally found a flaw in Cas’s story when the doorman asked them for ID, only to be humiliated when it turned out to be his ID that the doorman wanted to see. Dean was pissed how Cas and the doorman seemed to be old friends, talking about cats and stuff. He was pissed how Cas moved around Sam’s apartment without hesitation. Dean was pissed because he could feel his argument crumbling to dust around him. He didn't like being wrong.

  
“What’s Sam’s favorite ice cream flavor?”

  
“Mint chocolate chip.”

  
“Favorite sports team?”

  
“The Mets.”

  
“His first kiss?”

  
“He never told me.”

  
Damn, Dean actually wanted to know the answer to that question. Looked like Sammy was taking that one to his grave. It didn’t matter anyway, Dean had his last two questions locked and loaded.

  
“Any tattoos?”

  
Dean was glad that Cas at least had the decency to blush. After all, they were talking about his brother’s “down there,” as Cas called it. Dean chuckled at the discomfort radiating off of the other man. That must have been a really awkward first time for him and Sam.

  
“That was my fault,” Dean explained. Cas didn’t seem impressed. “OK, Cas. One more question.” He turned to face Cas so that he could more easily read the other man’s facial expressions. Cas turned to face him too, which Dean gave him credit for. By now he must have figured out what Dean was trying to do. Yet he turned to face it head on, willing to answer any question that Dean had in order to prove himself.

  
“Let’s have it.”

  
“Why do you love my brother?”

  
Shit, Dean was screwed. As soon as those blue eyes turned sad he knew he had lost the upper hand. Cas told him a story about losing his dad, about being alone, about fighting his way back to life.

  
“That’s too much pressure to put on Sam,” Dean had said. Even Cas’s answer to that question was perfect. Dean had to admit: Sam got lucky. It was hard to find someone who was so genuinely … good. Dean had long since given up on the possibility of that for himself. Even if there was still a small part of him - microscopic, really - that still held onto some sort of hope. That still wanted someone.

  
 _Someone like Cas_. Shit, Dean was such a sucker.

  
It didn’t help any that he and Cas seemed to be locked in a staring contest even after Cas finished talking. Because though Dean had taken a step back, physically and emotionally, they were still in each other’s personal space. And still looking at each other. Dean looked at Cas’s face - what had once seemed too angular suddenly seemed perfectly chiseled; lips that seemed perpetually chapped in the past were now so alluring. Dean was beginning to feel the tension pull between them and if he just leaned forward a little bit…

  
He caught himself just as he had begun to drift towards Cas. “I should probably drive you home. I have other deliveries to make today.”

  
If Cas had felt anything weird between them he didn’t say anything about it. In fact, he looked a lot more comfortable on the drive back than he did on the way there. Dean tried to distract himself by listening to some of his favorite music but he kept on glancing at Cas out of the corner of his eye.

  
Dean had dropped him off with a “welcome to the family!” before high tailing it out of there. He needed to catch his breath, collect his thoughts, pull himself together. And since he wasn’t too far from the hospital he went to the only person he knew would be able to help him. It wasn’t long before he was sitting in a next to Sam’s bed.

  
He sat there for a while, thinking about what had happened earlier. He tried to dredge up his anger from this morning but he found that it was completely gone. He started to fidget when he remembered the feeling he had had when he and Cas were standing so close together in Sam’s dining room.

  
Sam…

  
Dean tried to focus on his brother instead of this wandering thoughts. He timed his breathing to the rise and fall of Sam’s chest. It helped a little but he still wanted to hear Sam’s voice.

  
“You always knew how to find the good ones,” Dean admitted even though Sam probably couldn’t hear him. “He’s got the whole family wrapped around his finger. You should see Krissy,” he laughed.

  
“I didn’t mean for it to go like that this afternoon.” It sounded like a weak excuse even to him. “Seriously, I think he’s worried about you. He was just looking for a connection.” Dean could almost see the bitch face that Sam would have pulled at that. “Fine,” Dean admitted. “ _I_ was just looking for a connection.”

  
He scooted closer to Sam’s bed so that he could hold Sam’s hand. It wasn’t the manly thing to do, he knew that, but he wanted the reassurance of Sam’s warm hand in his to remind himself that Sam was still here.

  
“How about this? I’ll back off if you wake up right now. He’ll be all yours again.” The only answer that Dean got was the beeping from the heart monitor. “Come on, Sam. Wake up.”

  
But tonight wasn’t the night for miracles, apparently. Eventually one of the nurses came into the room.

  
“Time to go home,” she told him.

  
“Thanks for letting me stay, Missouri.”

  
“Of course, darling. Anytime.” But she pushed him toward the door anyway.


	7. Misunderstandings All Around

The good feeling from earlier was lingering longer than Cas expected. He had cooked himself dinner and settled down to read a book but he kept getting distracted. Dean had been gruff and distant with him when he had picked Cas up in the afternoon. By the time he dropped Cas off it felt like he and Dean had become friends. That was good. He was supposed to be friends with the Winchesters. So why did this feel different?

  
His phone buzzed in his pocket and for a second he thought it was Mary calling to invite him to another dinner. It turned out to be a text message from Gabe.

  
_Impromptu party at my place! BYOB_

  
Cas checked the time to make sure it wasn’t too late and then mentally weighed his options. It wasn’t unusual for Gabe to throw a party like this on a weeknight, but Cas had never been to one before. But the stories Gabe told about them made the offer … tempting. He could show up, say hi, and then leave. He didn’t have to stay very long if he didn’t want to. With that comforting thought in the back of his mind he texted Gabe to let him know that he would be there in about half an hour. He grabbed his jacket, his scarf set, and a cheap bottle of wine out of his pantry before he walked out the door.

  
He stopped short when he reached the sidewalk. Across the street he could see the shadow of someone pacing under a streetlight, obviously agitated. At first Cas thought it was a stranger, a stranger he fully intended to avoid - but then the person looked up. Dean. As soon as Dean noticed him, he jogged over to talk to Cas.

  
“Hey, what’s up? I was wondering if you were home.”

  
Cas could see by his flushed cheeks that he had been waiting a while.

  
“Why didn’t you come inside?”

  
“Well, I… I didn’t want to interrupt your dinner.”

  
“You could have texted,” Cas suggested, but Dean didn’t seem interested in discussing the matter.

  
“You headed somewhere?”

  
“Yeah, to Gabe’s house. He’s having a get-together. I thought I’d stop by for a while.”

  
“Cool, I’ll go with you.”

  
“That’s not necessary, it’s not that far.”

  
“Let me walk with you. I need to warm up anyway,” Dean pressed on.

  
Cas nodded and Dean fell into step with him as they walked down the street. He didn’t know what was bothering Dean so they walked in silence for a few blocks. The energy coming off of Dean was much different than when they had parted ways just a few hours earlier. It bothered Cas a little, but more than that he was curious about what was bothering Dean. Finally, Dean broke the silence.

  
“So, uh. Any trips coming up?”

  
Cas was confused by the question. Was this considered social banter? He was never very good at that. He decided to follow Dean’s lead and see where the conversation went.

  
“No, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. What about you? Your family must take a vacation together every year.” It seemed like something the Winchesters would do.

  
“Nope. No, we don’t usually travel together. We get sick of each other just living in the same city.” Dean laughed at his own joke but even Cas could tell that it was strained.

  
They continued to walk in silence until they reached Gabe’s apartment. Cas wasn’t sure how he afforded it, but Gabe lived in a much nicer building than Cas did. He pushed the doorbell and waited for someone to buzz them in.

  
“Don’t you ever, like, want to get away to somewhere warm?” Dean asked after a while, bringing up the conversation from earlier.

  
“Dean, what’s going on?”

  
“Nothing! Just, you know. Small talk.”

  
“I can tell that there’s something bothering you.”

  
“Nothing is bothering me,” Dean insisted.

  
Thankfully someone unlocked the door so Cas walked in, letting Dean trail behind. They made their way to the elevator

  
“It’s just, if you were planning on going anywhere, you would tell us, right?”

  
“Am I supposed to let you know when I leave town?”

  
“No, that’s not what I’m trying to say!”

  
“Then what are you getting at? You seem to be fishing for information. Why don’t you just ask me?”

  
Dean seemed to be caught off guard by Cas’s bluntness. The elevator doors opened and Cas stepped out. Dean followed him a few moments later. They stopped in front of Gabe’s door, facing each other as they waited for someone to let them in. Still, Dean didn’t say anything.

  
“Just ask, Dean,” Cas practically snapped.

  
“Ok, fine. Are you planning on eloping with Sam?”

  
That was the last thing that Cas expected to hear from Dean. He wasn’t exactly sure what to say. He didn’t even know where Dean had gotten that information from. Luckily, Gabe had impeccable timing. The door to his apartment was flung open, spilling music and laughter out into the hallway.

  
“Cassie, there you are! I didn’t think you’d actually come! Who’s this?”

  
Cas took a deep breath to try to give himself time to think. Gabe had just asked the million dollar question, hadn’t he? Under normal circumstances he would have introduced Dean as his future brother-in-law. But neither Dean nor Gabe knew that Cas was keeping a secret. So, who was Dean, really? He didn’t have any business following Cas to a party, and he certainly didn’t have any business butting into Cas’s personal life.

  
“I’m sorry, I have to go,” Cas said, handing Gabe the bottle of wine.

  
“You just got here!” Gabe called after him, but Cas was already taking the stairs down to the lobby. He needed to move, needed space, needed to think. Unfortunately, he could hear Dean following close behind.

  
Cas didn’t slow down when he finally made it outside. He walked quickly down the street hoping that Dean would take the hint and leave him alone. But he could hear Dean jogging to catch up with him.

  
“Cas! Hey, Cas!” Dean grabbed his arm but Cas jerked away.

  
“I am _not_ eloping with Sam!”

  
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  
“I’m not offended,” Cas said, hoping that would be enough for Dean. He kept walking, not bothering to check if Dean was behind him or not.

  
The brisk walk was helping him process the frustrated, angry feeling in his gut. He didn’t sign up for this. He had agreed to keep up the charade for the sake of Sam’s family, but he had never agreed to accept engagement presents on Sam’s behalf or field questions about their upcoming wedding plans. Sure, he could deal with a few family dinners, he could even enjoy them if he wanted to, but having Sam’s brother track him down and barge into his personal life like this was not something he had to put up with.

  
He made it back to his apartment in record time. He was just about to step inside when he heard Dean call his name. He was about halfway down the block, obviously giving Cas some space, but it looked like he wanted to talk before Cas went inside. For a moment Cas considered ignoring him but found himself reluctant to leave Dean out in the cold.

  
“I’m sorry,” was all Dean said when he finally stopped in front of Cas.

  
“What gave you the impression that I was eloping?”

  
“Krissy overheard you talking to your friend at the subway.” Dean looked embarrassed to admit it, as if saying it out loud made him realize how flimsy his proof was.

  
“She misunderstood,” Cas explained.

  
“Sorry,” Dean said again.

  
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  
“Yeah, I do. Just because you’re going to marry Sam doesn’t mean I get to know everything about your life.”

  
“You were concerned for your brother. It’s understandable.”

  
“It’s more than that. Mom and dad and Krissy… they really love you, Cas.”

  
“They’re good people,” Cas agreed, and he meant it.

  
“I just--” Dean huffed in frustration. He stepped closer to Cas as if they were about to share a secret. “I just don’t want another thing to split this family apart.”

  
Cas nodded in understanding. Dean was protecting his family.

  
“Bobby said that your parents were hoping to reconcile with Sam when this was over.”

  
“Yeah,” Dean confirmed as he took a step closer. “We can all be a family, Cas.”

  
That almost broke Cas’s heart. He wanted more than anything to be part of this family. But it wasn’t going to happen, not the way Dean wanted it to anyway. Not the way he wanted it to, either. He knew now that they would hate him as soon as he told them the truth. They only loved him because they wanted Sam back.

  
“I can’t ever be a part of this family,” Cas whispered.

  
“You don’t have to be alone anymore.” As he spoke, Dean reached out and put his hand on Cas’s shoulder. It was meant to be a comforting gesture, but the touch burned through to Cas’s skin.

  
“I’ll always be alone,” Cas told him. He shrugged off Dean’s hand and walked inside, leaving him out in the cold.

  
\-----

  
The next morning Cas woke up knowing exactly what he had to do. He was going to ask Bobby to help him tell the Winchesters the truth. It was the only way to make things right. Hopefully they would be able to forgive him. If not, Cas had resigned himself to walking out of their life forever. He thought that he had plenty of time to implement his plan, but he was only halfway through his morning coffee when his phone rang.

  
“Cas? It’s Bobby.”

  
Cas nearly spilt his coffee in surprise.

  
“Oh! I was just about to call you.”

  
“Listen, son,” Bobby began. Cas realized from his tone that he hadn’t called to invite him to another family gathering. “Sam’s awake. John and Mary asked you to meet them at the hospital.”

  
Cas had to sit down. He had just lost his opportunity. Now the Winchesters would think that he had been forced to confess, instead of confessing willingly like he had planned. Should he even go down to the hospital at this point?

  
“You should at least come talk to them,” Bobby suggested, reading his mind. Cas wasn’t sure that was a good idea, but Bobby went on to promise that he would be there with him when he came clean.

  
“I can be there in half an hour,” Cas told him and hung up.

  
True to his word, Cas made it there right on time. Thankfully, Bobby was waiting for him at the main entrance.

  
“Can I tell them _now_?” Cas asked as soon as he was within earshot.

  
“Might as well,” Bobby grumbled. “They’re upstairs.”

  
The two of them made their way through the hospital until they were standing outside Sam’s room.

  
“You’re right behind me, right?” Cas asked, looking at Bobby for support.

  
“Of course,” Bobby agreed.

  
So Cas knocked and then walked in to face the music.

  
“There you are!” Mary exclaimed as soon as she saw him. “Come stand right here.”

  
She pulled him close so that he was huddled with the rest of the family. He noticed that everyone else was there, even Dean, so he turned to make sure that Bobby had enough space too, but Bobby wasn’t anywhere to be found. Cas looked around in a panic, but it was too late. The doctor was already shaking Sam’s shoulder to wake him up from his nap.

  
Sam opened his eyes and focused on the doctor’s face, the closest person to him.

  
“Sam,” the doctor coaxed. “How are you feeling?”

  
Sam tried to speak but he was having trouble. The doctor gave him a sip of water and tried again.

  
“Good,” Sam finally managed to croak out.

  
“Your family is here,” the doctor told him, indicating in their direction.

  
Sam looked to where the doctor was pointing but he couldn’t seem to focus at first. Finally his eyes landed on Dean. He seemed to get more energy from seeing his brother. His eyes wandered down the line, first to his Dad, then Henry, Krissy, Mary, and finally Cas. He seemed genuinely touched that they would be there for him. But just as Cas feared, Sam’s eyes glazed over when they landed on Cas.

  
“Who are you?” Sam asked.


	8. The Only Way Out Is Through

So this was it. This was how how his secret came out.

  
“Oh my God,” he heard John whisper. “He has amnesia.”

  
Cas would have laughed in relief if it wouldn’t have given him away. As it was, he didn’t have much time to relax. The doctors called in the nurses and the family was ushered out of the room.

  
Once they were out in the hallway the family began to splinter into groups. Mary was comforting Krissy, John was helping Henry find a place to sit, and Bobby was nowhere to be found. With no one else to turn to, he and Dean ended up drifting closer together. Dean took him by the elbow and led him a little way down the hall. At first they didn’t say anything to each other, just stood close as they processed what had happened. Eventually Dean broke the silence.

  
“I’m sorry about last night,” he said.

  
“You apologized last night, too,” Cas reminded him. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Dean.”

  
Dean nodded but didn’t look at him.

  
“I guess things are going to change now, huh?”

  
“They don’t have to change for the worse.”

  
“Really?”

  
Dean looked at him with such hope that Cas almost backed away. He wanted to reassure Dean that his family would make it through, but he wasn’t sure that was true. From what he understood, there was still a lot of hurt to work through. But if there was one thing that Cas had gotten good at over the past several days, it was lying.

  
“Of course,” Cas reassured him. “I hope we can be friends when this is over.”

  
Dean smirked. “I’m counting on it, Cas.”

  
There was something in Dean’s tone that made Cas’s cheeks burn. He needed to take a walk and get some fresh air. He excused himself from Dean and made his way outside. He was only halfway surprised when he found Bobby lurking around the doorway.

  
“How’d it go?” Bobby asked. Cas gave him a stern look before answering.

  
“Sam’s awake,” he informed Bobby. “In case you wanted to know how your pseudo nephew is doing.”

  
Bobby at least had the decency to look ashamed.

  
“I’m an old man, I had to use the bathroom.”

  
The last thing Cas wanted to do was start a fight with the one person in this family who knew the truth.

  
“You missed the excitement,” Cas informed him, his tone much lighter than before. “Apparently Sam has amnesia.”

  
“Really? How do they figure?”

  
“He can’t remember his fiance,” Cas snapped.

  
Cas watched as Bobby put two and two together. They shared a moment of silence as they both processed what that meant.

  
“I think I’m going to…” Cas started to say, but he didn’t really know what he wanted.

  
“Yeah, go ahead,” Bobby said, giving him an out. “I’ll, uh… I’ll take care of this while you’re gone.”

  
Cas almost cried with relief.

  
“Really?”

  
“Sure,” Bobby reassured him. “Go home and get some rest. Meet us here for dinner, OK?”

  
All Cas could do was nod in agreement. The past twenty four hours had been an emotional rollercoaster that he wanted to stop riding immediately. He took Bobby’s advice and went home for a while to collect himself. It was a long walk from the hospital but it helped him burn off some restless energy. He felt calmer by the time he got back to his studio. He took a shower and ate some food and felt more prepared to face the Winchesters by the time he got back to the hospital a few hours later.

  
He walked up to Sam’s room but he didn’t bump into anyone along the way. The hallways were unusually quiet, considering the Winchesters usually made so much noise. He stopped at the nurses station to see if they had information for him.

  
“Just go on in, honey,” Missouri prompted him. “And Cas? Everything is going to be alright.”

  
Her words were oddly comforting. Cas walked into the room expecting to find the rest of the family there, but it was only Sam.

  
“Oh!” Sam seemed to be as startled as he was. “Cas, right? Come in!” Sam pushed himself up further on the bed so that he was in more of a sitting position.

  
Cas walked tentatively into the room. He wasn’t sure what Sam had remembered, if anything, from before the accident. He would have heard the truth from Bobby now, anyway. Maybe he was calling Cas in to thank him for jumping on the tracks.

  
“So, we’re engaged, huh?”

  
God damn Bobby straight to hell!

  
“Listen, Sam,” Cas said. He was just going to tell Sam the truth and let the chips fall where they may. He was tired of tiptoeing around the truth. There was no reason to lie anymore.

  
“I know you saved my life,” Sam cut in. “The nurses won’t stop telling the story about the romantic hero.”

  
Cas blushed hard at that. He wasn’t a hero, never mind a romantic hero.

  
“Sam…”

  
“I don’t remember what our relationship was like before this, but I wanted to apologize for being a selfish jerk.”

  
This got Cas’s attention. What did Sam think he had done that deserved an apology? More than that, who had fed him that story?

  
“You got to know my family while I was here, huh?”

  
“I did,” Cas admitted. “I really like them, Sam.”

  
“Yeah, I do, too,” he admitted. “I haven’t talked to them in a while.”

  
“I know.”

  
“But I had a good talk with my dad and mom this afternoon and I think we’re mending fences.”

  
“That’s great news!”

  
“You saved my life, you stayed by me when things were rough, and you… you helped me reconnect with my family.”

  
Sam seemed to be honestly moved by how much Cas had done for him. For his part, Cas was a little embarrassed that the situation had been blown out of proportion.

  
“Bobby came to talk to me this afternoon,” Sam informed him.

  
That caught Cas’s attention. Maybe Bobby had kept his promise after all!

  
“He helped me put some of the pieces together. Helped me understand how far off track my life has gone. What I need is someone who will help me be a better me, you know?”

  
To Cas’s surprise, Sam actually started to cry. He reached for Cas’s hand but Cas was too far away and too shocked to move closer.

  
“We we're going to get married anyway. Cas, let’s do it! Let’s get married _now_ and keep things moving in the right direction!”

  
Cas wasn’t sure what was happening. Was it a dream? A hallucination? If you had told him this time last week that Fancy Hair would actually propose to him and mean it he would have laughed in your face. But this was really happening. He was ninety percent sure this was happening.

  
He opened his mouth to set the record straight but before he could say anything he heard a squeal of excitement come from the doorway.

  
“Sam and Cas are getting married!” Krissy yelled. “Again!”

  
“Krissy, you have to give them space,” Mary chided, but she was pushing her way into the room with a smile on her face. “I knew you two would work it out,” she said as she smiled to Cas.

  
Next came John and Henry, both of whom shook Cas’s hand in congratulations. Bobby came next.

  
“What did you do?” Cas whispered to him.

  
“Not what you think!” Bobby defended himself.

  
As much as Cas wanted to hear Bobby’s explanation, there was one person who still hadn’t walked into the room. Cas looked over just in time to see a figure slip out of the doorway and down the hall.

  
“Dean!” Cas called after him, but it was too late. There was nothing else he could do but turn back to face the room and all the happy people inside.

  
Mary, Krissy, and Sam were chatting excitedly about something that Cas couldn't quite make out. Sam looked up eventually, caught Cas’s eye, and winked. Cas tried to smile in response but it felt forced. Sam didn’t seem to notice, thank goodness. Bobby had moved closer to John and Henry which left Cas alone at the edge of the room.

  
Cas remembered what he had told Dean last night. “I’ll always be alone.” It hadn’t seemed true this afternoon when he was talking with Dean in the hallway. But now, Dean was gone, and Cas had to face this situation alone.


	9. All Good Things Must Come To An End

It may have been selfish, but Cas was glad when the nurses kicked them all out of Sam’s room last night. Sam actually pouted and pleaded with Cas to stay, but Missouri swooped in and insisted in no uncertain terms that Cas needed to go. Dean was still nowhere to be found, so Bobby had offered to drive Cas home. It was a remarkably quiet drive even though they had so much to say to each other. The silence stretched out even after Bobby had parked and turned off the engine. Cas didn’t want to yell or accuse Bobby of purposefully manipulating the situation, so he stayed quiet until Bobby eventually spoke.

  
“I thought that if I could convince him to break up with you then no one would know that the whole thing had been a lie. You could have just walked away. I guess my little pep talk backfired.”

  
“How is that… What did you…” But it didn’t matter. What was done was done, and Cas was going to have to deal with it head on now. Not that he ever expected his confession to be easy, but his options seemed to keep getting worse and worse.

  
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Bobby,” he said blankly as he got out of the car. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself when he finally locked his apartment door behind him. He tried to sleep but his mind had other plans. He kept thinking about the happy looks on the Winchesters’ faces, the shy smiles that Sam had sent his way, the way even Dean had warmed up to him. And the fact that none of it was true. More than ever before, the inevitability of the situation was crashing down on him. He would do it differently if had it to over again.

  
He wished that there was some way he could take control now. He thought about running away or moving, but how would he pack up his apartment so fast? And where would he go? It wasn’t just the Winchesters that would miss him, either; there was Gabe to think about. And Bobby didn’t deserve to get thrown under the bus like that. As far as Cas could see there were only two ways out.

  
The first and most obvious choice was to tell the truth like he had originally planned. He had gone over this plan so many times, but the only outcome was a split in the family, and Cas left alone again. The second option was to do what he had been doing from the beginning. He could go along with the charade and actually get married.

  
Cas knew that he was crazy to think it, but wasn’t this whole situation already crazy? It would just be the icing on the cake. But if he were being honest with himself, he knew that the real reason he was considering this option was because he was scared of being alone. This might be the best shot he would ever get if he wanted to have a family. Sam was kind and generous and successful. He could do worse.

  
He could do worse? Not exactly the stuff of the greatest love stories. His vows would … need work.

  
And so, Cas spent most of the morning arguing with himself. Yes, he was going to tell the Winchesters. Actually, he would accept Sam’s offer to get married. Except the obvious thing to do was to call Bobby and make him tell the Winchesters. Or he could call Gabe and explain the situation and ask for advice. He went around and around until he felt like he was trapped in his own head.

  
Cas was halfway through creating a new identity for himself when a knock at the door startled him from his schemes. With any luck, this would be Bobby coming over to discuss a strategy. But when he opened the door it was Dean standing there instead. And suddenly, Cas’s deliberations stopped. _Dean_. Another thing he was in no way prepared to lose.

  
“Sorry to barge in like this,” Dean said. “I thought I would drop this off for you before things got too crazy.” He tugged something out from behind the doorframe to show Cas what he was talking about.

  
Within Dean’s calloused hands he held the photograph of the castle. The one Cas had admired the other day. Stunned, Cas could do nothing more than hold the door open so that Dean could drag the photo into his tiny studio.

  
“Man, you weren’t kidding about not having a lot of square footage in here.”

  
“It never really bothered me.”

  
“Good news is, we can hang this on the wall so it won’t take up too much space.”

  
“About that,” Cas hedged. Now that Dean was here, actually _here_ , Cas couldn’t bear to lie to him anymore. In spite of their rough start, he and Dean had connected in a way that Cas hadn’t expected. Maybe if Dean could understand, then he could help Cas explain it to the rest of the family. But Dean didn’t acknowledge that Cas had said anything. In fact, he kept his back to Cas as he rambled on, pretending to take measurements of the wall.

  
“So a quickie wedding after all, huh? I mean, if you were already planning on getting married it makes sense…” Dean paused for a moment., “But maybe you want to ... you could wait a little, see how Sam’s recovery goes.”

  
“Dean--”

  
“I mean, Mom just wants to make sure Sam has a reason to stick around, you know? She wouldn’t mind giving up the wedding planning if it meant she could help take care of Sam some other way. And then you could take the time to plan an actual wedding. You deserve that.”

  
The last sentence seemed to catch them both off guard because after it finished, Dean abruptly stopped talking. All of this time, Cas assumed that Dean had been worried about Sam getting married too soon, about Sam making a rash decision, but it turned out that Dean was concerned about Cas too. It made his heart ache to know that someone was considering his feelings in all of this. He wanted to wrap his arms around Dean and never let him go, even though he knew it would be better if he pushed Dean away instead.

  
“May I ask you something?”

  
“Sure, Cas. Shoot.” Cas watched as Dean hunched his shoulders, almost in a defensive gesture. He had seemed so indestructible the first few times Cas had met him, but now here he was, waiting nervously for Cas to speak.

  
Cas let the silence stretch between them until Dean finally turned to look at him. He wanted to study Dean’s reaction. Cas knew that the emotions that played across Dean’s face would tell Cas so much more than Dean’s words could.

  
“You said once that I wasn’t Sam’s type. Now that you know me better, do you still think that? Do you think this marriage is a good idea?”

  
Dean clenched his jaw and squared his shoulders. He glanced around the room as he tried to collect his thoughts. Cas could see anger, confusion, acceptance, and... something else that was hard to pin down. Maybe, just maybe, if Dean could admit that this was a bad idea, then Cas would finally have the courage to admit his deception. But when Dean looked back at him, all of Cas’s hopes went out the window.

  
“My brother can give you a good life. He can give you the world. Yes, I think it’s a good idea.”

  
Cas blinked in surprise. It hurt to hear Dean give his blessing so easily. No, it went deeper than that - it felt like a betrayal. What could be so important to Dean that he would have to lie like this? But before Cas could collect his thought enough to respond, Dean was speaking again.

  
“I actually have some more deliveries to make,” Dean explained as he pushed his way past Cas. “I just swung by to drop that off. Here it is. So, yeah. I’m gonna get out of your hair.”

  
“Dean, wait!”

  
Cas tried to grab Dean’s arm but Dean twisted out of his reach. He all but stormed out of Cas’s apartment and down the stairs. There was no use chasing after him. Dean wasn’t going to offer him a way out.

  
\-----

  
Mary had texted him last night to let him know that everything had been finalized. All Cas had to do was show up at the wedding chapel when he was supposed to and they could have a wedding. He thanked her for her effort and promised to be there on time. He spent the morning getting himself to look as presentable as possible. What little free time he had he spent sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at the photo that Dean had give him.

  
Eventually he had to leave for the hospital. He timed it so that he would be there early but when he got to Sam’s room he realized that everyone was already at the chapel. He tried to get there as fast as possible but he got turned around in the corridors and ended up being only a few minutes early.

  
“Cas is here!” he heard Krissy announce as he turned the corner.

  
Cas got a glimpse of Dean and Sam huddled in the corner, having a whispered conversation, but there was no way for him to get over there. Mary had moved to block his path as soon as he had joined the family.

  
“No peeking before the wedding!” she chided as she pulled Cas out of sight. When it was just the two of them she turned to look him over. “You look very handsome, Cas.”

  
It was such a simple statement but Cas was taken back by the sincerity in her voice. She sounded like what he imaged a mother would sound. It had been so long since he had had that in his life. He had to take a moment to compose himself and to build up the courage to do what he had to do next.

  
“Mary…”

  
But it was too late. John had signaled Mary, and Mary passed the good news on to Cas.

  
“It’s time! Good luck!”

  
And with that she was gone. Cas thought about turning and walking out of the hospital for good, but this family deserved better than that. They deserved better than him. As if this wasn’t already hard enough he heard the wedding march start to play. If ever he was waiting for his queue, this was it. He took a deep breath and stepped out.

  
He took a moment to look around and get his bearings. He saw John, Mary, Krissy, and Henry sitting in the front row, their cameras ready to take pictures of the ceremony. He saw Bobby, sitting right behind them, watching him closely. If anyone was going to stop the ceremony it was Bobby, but he didn’t look like he was getting ready to jump up and object. Next, he looked at Dean who looked like he was about to crawl out of his skin. More than anything he wished he could spare Dean from this. All the hopes that Dean had for his family were about to be dashed and it was all Cas’s fault.

  
Finally, he looked at Sam. Sam, who had proposed only two days ago. Sam, who was willing to marry Cas even though he didn’t remember their life together. He seemed just as scared and nervous as Cas, which gave Cas the courage to say what he came here to say.

  
“Stop. Just stop.” He hoped that no one else could hear the tremor in his voice.

  
Out of the corner of his eye he could see the Winchesters shuffling nervously in their seats. In contrast, Dean had gone still as a statue. But Sam was looking at him like Cas had just broke his heart. He started to walk down the aisle to meet him but Cas held up his hand to stop him.

  
“I’m sorry, Sam. It was never supposed to be like this.”

  
“We can still get married without my family, if that’s what you want,” Sam argued.

  
This was it. This was the moment that Cas had feared since he first met the Winchesters.

  
“We were never going to get married,” he confessed.

  
He expected more noise -- more yelling, more questions, more something. But there was just dead silence as the news sunk in. Sam looked relieved for a split second before he moved on to hurt and finally confused. Cas took a deep breath and turned to face the rest of the family.

  
“I did save Sam that day on the tracks, but when I got to the hospital they wouldn’t let me see him. So someone told the doctor that I was his fiance, but it wasn’t true.”

  
He had to stop to compose himself before going on. If the Winchesters heard nothing else, at least they would now know the truth. Cas didn’t feel any better even though the worst was over.

  
“Everything happened so fast. I wanted to tell you, but… I couldn’t give you up. It’s true that I’m alone, and for a moment I was part of a family again.”

  
Up until now he had been addressing the group in the pews. But now he turned to Sam, to apologize to him directly.

  
“It felt harmless when you were still unconscious. I can see now that I was wrong. I didn’t mean for it to get this far.” Sam seemed to be trying not to cry. He wasn’t looking at Cas anymore, which told Cas everything he needed to know about how Sam was feeling.

  
Despite his best intentions he let his focus wander over to Dean. He wasn’t sure what he wanted Dean to do, if he even wanted Dean to do anything at all. Maybe Dean would stand up for him? But that was wishful thinking. Like thinking that he could confess to the ruse and still maintain the friendships he had built over the past week.

  
“You could have said something,” Dean finally whispered. Cas could hardly stand to hear it.

  
“I didn’t know how,” he admitted just as quietly. The excuse sounded weak, but he didn’t know any other way to justify his actions.

  
He looked back at Sam and waited for him to say something, but Sam still wasn’t looking at him or saying anything, so Cas took that as his queue to leave.

  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the rest of the family as he turned and walked back out of the chapel.

  
He leaned against the wall for support as soon as he was out of eyeshot. There was a moment of eerie silence before the room finally erupted into shouts. Cas didn’t want to get caught spying on top of everything, but he leaned over just enough to peek around the doorframe. Sure enough, from the outside it looked like the family was in chaos. Cas knew from experience that it felt like chaos on the inside too.

  
He was going to miss it so much. But he turned and walked away anyway.


	10. Picking Up The Pieces

Cas didn’t leave his studio for days after The Incident. The better part of a week had passed before he managed to get out of bed, if only to take a shower and eat some food before going back to sleep. By the time he woke up again it was the middle of the afternoon on Christmas Day.

  
He sighed and rolled over. He thought about getting up and taking a walk, just to give himself something to do, but it seemed pointless after everything that happened. Even Gabe didn’t expect him back at work for another couple of days. He decided that his best bet was to stay in his apartment and feel sorry for himself. His self-imposed isolation was interrupted when his phone rang a few minutes later.

  
“Cas, sweetie, come on over to the hospital and have some lunch.”

  
Cas sat up, surprised to hear the voice on the other end of the line.

  
“Missouri?”

  
“Sam has already checked out so you won’t accidently run into any of the Winchesters,” she told him, as if everything was normal. “You can’t stay in your apartment by yourself on Christmas.”

  
“How did you know?” He could hear the strain in his own voice and hoped that he wasn’t about to start crying. He hadn’t cried once since he left the chapel.

  
“Don’t you worry about it. Come on over, honey. Someone’s family even dropped off a homemade apple pie.”

  
Cas wanted to argue, wanted to insist that he was fine, but he knew that it was a lie. He took a moment to compose himself before he answered her, though.

  
“I’ll be over in about an hour,” he told her.

  
“See you soon.”

  
He got up, put on a clean change of clothes, and drank some coffee. When he finally stepped outside he was surprised to see that it was snowing. He could see Christmas trees and Christmas lights peaking out of his neighbors’ windows. The streets were deserted and so quiet that he could almost hear the snow falling. He might have been in the middle of a major metropolis, but for a moment he felt transported to another world where nothing bad ever happened and magic was real.

  
He smiled at his own overactive imagination. “Pull yourself together, Cas,” he whispered to himself. He began to walk in the direction of the hospital. The more he walked the more he started to feel like himself. By the time he arrived, he was ready to face Missouri.

  
“Come on in and help yourself,” she told him, pointing towards a small buffet along the counter, made up of food that people had brought in to share. Cas put together a plate of food and then joined her at the table. They sat in silence for a few minutes while Cas started to eat. Missouri didn’t seem to mind the silence, for which Cas was grateful.

  
“No one should spend Christmas alone,” Missouri finally said. She wasn’t scolding him, just stating a fact. It should have made Cas feel small and desperate that she had to rescue him from that fate, but instead he just felt grateful that she would remember him at all. It had been a long time since anyone had remembered him. It had been a long time since he had felt worthy of anyone’s attention.

  
He tried to keep his emotions under control, he really did, but he could feel the tears start to prick the back of his eyes. He shook his head in denial as the first tears started to fall but he knew the battle was lost. The dam finally broke when Missouri handed him a stack of napkins and patted his arm reassuringly.

  
Cas cried for what felt like hours but in reality was only a few minutes. At some point Missouri took away his food so it wouldn’t spoil and handed him a cup of tea to help calm him down. It took him a few more minutes to control his breathing but he finally felt ready to talk.

  
“What was I thinking?”

  
“You’re not a bad person, Cas,” she reminded him. “Sometimes we make selfish decisions and convince ourselves that we’re helping.”

  
“I did more harm than good,” he argued.

  
“I wouldn’t say that.” She handed him a warm slice of apple pie.

  
“This is just the way that Mary makes her pies,” Cas observed as he took the first bite.

  
“Is it? What a coincidence.”

  
“I should have told them from the very beginning.”

  
“Yes, but they expected a lot from you considering the boundaries that Sam had put up.”

  
“It doesn’t matter, I should have known better.” He talked for almost an hour about his frustrations during the whole ordeal, about all of the time he let his selfishness take control, all of the things he wished had happened instead.

  
“The worst part is, I think I hurt them more than I helped. I wanted to do the exact opposite.”

  
“Cas, sweetie, I know it’s hard to hear, but now is not the time to wallow in self-pity. You have to take this experience and turn it into something good. Only you can do that for you.”

  
Cas nodded in acceptance. He didn’t know how he was going to do it, but he knew that he wanted to.

  
“Thank you, Missouri.”

  
“Anytime, sweetie. Now, I’m going to have to kick you out because my break is over and I have sick people to take care of.”

  
“Of course,” Cas said, standing up. “Would you mind if I brought home a slice of apple pie?”

  
“You might as well take the whole thing. There’s plenty where that came from.” Cas wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard a teasing note in her voice.

  
He thanked her again, wished her a Merry Christmas, and started walking home. About halfway back he decided that he didn’t want to be alone after all so he took a detour and began walking in the direction of Gabe’s apartment. He wasn’t sure if he would even be home, but Gabe actually answered when Cas rung the doorbell.

  
“Who is it?”

  
“It’s me. It’s Cas.” He had never just showed up at Gabe’s apartment like this. What if Gabe didn’t want to see him? What if he was in the middle of something else? Cas should have taken more time to think this through.

  
“Cassie? Come on up!”

  
After everything that happened, Cas was honestly surprised that something finally went according to plan. Gabe was waiting for him when he stepped off the elevator.

  
“I bring a peace offering,” Cas told him, holding up the pie. “And an explanation as to why I’ve been acting so weird.”

  
“What kind of pie?”

  
“Apple.”

  
“There’s a slice missing.”

  
“I ate some already.”

  
Gabe looked at him, just looked at him, for a while. There was nothing malicious about it, though. In fact, it made Cas feel safe, as if Gabe had already accepted whatever it was he was about to say.

  
“Come on in,” Gabe finally said, moving aside so that Cas had room to move into the apartment.

  
They spent the rest of the afternoon talking about everything and anything. Cas told him all about The Incident and the whole Winchester ordeal. Surprisingly (or maybe not so surprisingly, if Cas were being honest), Dean popped up in the story much more frequently that he expected. In turn, Gabe talked about his crazy, beautiful new girlfriend. They each agreed that they would not like to switch places with the other.

  
Gabe opened up a bottle of wine when they started to talk about their futures. For some strange reason, Cas found himself thinking about Dean again. Gabe tried to help by suggesting some new career choices. He was intrigued by some of the ideas but he laughed when Gabe suggested he become a professional bull fighter. It felt good to laugh again.

  
It was late into the evening when Cas decided to go home. Gabe made him promise to text him when he got home safe. It felt good to have someone care about his wellbeing. It felt good to cry with Missouri this afternoon. It felt good feel like he was himself again.

  
When he finally got home he pulled out his phone to text Gabe only to discover that he had a text message waiting for him. From Bobby.

_  
Believe it or not, we’re missing you over here, kid. Merry Christmas._

  
Bobby had attached a photo of the rest of the family around the table, oblivious to the camera, obviously in the middle of one of their all-consuming conversations. Cas was glad to see that Sam had decided to spend the holiday with his family. He didn’t know the full story of why they had drifted apart, but he was glad that they seemed to be mending fences.

  
He could see that Sam was focused on Krissy who seemed to be waving her hands in excitement over whatever story she was telling. Mary was scooping another helping of mashed potatoes onto Henry’s plate. They both had smiles on their faces. At the other end of the table John and Dean seemed to be in the middle of a deep conversation.

  
 _Dean_.

  
Cas took a closer look at the photo, his focus centered on the man with the brilliant green eyes. Castiel’s fingers traced the profile of Dean’s face. So handsome, he admitted to himself as a blush came over his cheeks. He had turned out to be kind and generous. In fact, Dean was everything that Cas had imagined Sam would be.

  
Could it be? Could Cas have fallen out of love with one brother only to fall in love with the other?

  
No, he tried to convince himself. He knew now that he wanted something real, something that he could plan on. And yet, he kept glancing towards the photo, towards Dean. As contrary as it seemed, he wanted someone who would come in and mess up his plans, the way Dean had. Because that’s what real people did. That’s what love was - something worth throwing plans to the wayside for. So that was his new goal: to make plans, and find someone to help him mess them up.

  
He told his new plan to Gabe when he finally went back to work. Gabe seemed as excited about it as he was.

  
“Yes! Finally! I’ve been trying to push you out of the nest for years!”

  
\-----

  
So Gabe started helping him to make plans. The first thing that Gabe suggested was that Cas quit his job.

  
“It’s going to give you a deadline, Cassie. Now you know you only have two weeks to find something new!” In fact, Cas had more time than that. He agreed to stay on for four weeks so that he could help to train his replacement, Alfie. There was no need to be reckless, after all. Cas could take as much time as he needed.

  
He spent most of his free time at the library doing research into potential career options. He made a list, created pros and cons for each item, and ended up with a decision that he was surprisingly excited about. Once that decision was made, everything else seemed to fall into place. He sold most of his possessions which gave him enough money to get his plan off to a good start. He kept the photo from Dean, though. He couldn’t seem to let it go, and he didn’t have the courage to give it back.

  
It was the second to last day at his job when something happened that he wasn’t prepared for. He was showing Alfie how to reload the ticket machine when he heard Gabe call his name.

  
“Cassie! You have a visitor!”

  
Cas turned around, not sure who to expect. Missouri, maybe. Or even Bobby. But when he finally noticed who it was - he had to catch his breath.

  
“Hello, Dean.”

  
“Hi, Cas.” Dean stepped closer to him so that they were standing almost toe-to-toe.

  
“I’m gonna go… somewhere else,” Alfie said as he slipped away. Cas hardly noticed.

  
“What are you doing here?” Cas finally asked. Dean blinked a few times as if what Cas had asked had woken him up from a dream.

  
“Well, I was in the neighborhood,” he explained.

  
Cas wasn’t sure what to do with that information. Even if he had been in the neighborhood, Dean didn’t have to come by to see him.

  
“You know, you do this squinty head-tilt thing when you’re confused,” Dean told him.

  
“I do not,” Cas argued. But Dean just smiled at him and ignored his protest.

  
“I went by your apartment but someone else is living there now.”

  
“I know,” Cas told him. “I’m leaving in a few days.” Despite the uncertainty of the situation, Cas couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. He was proud and excited about this new phase of his life. But Dean didn’t seem thrilled with this news.

  
“Leaving?”

  
“I enrolled in a six week coding course in London. The semester starts next week.”

  
“London? That’s, ah… That’s great, Cas.” Dean looked around nervously and took a step back. Cas didn’t want him to leave, so he started talking in the hopes that he would say something that would convince Dean to stay.

  
“I thought it would be a good skill to have, no matter what I end up doing after the course is over. I thought maybe I would travel to some of the places that I’ve never been to. Like the castle in your photo.”

  
That caught Dean’s attention. He looked up at Cas in surprise.

  
“You still have it?”

  
“Gabe’s holding onto it for me,” Cas explained. “Where is it, anyway? The castle?”

  
“It’s a fort, actually. And it’s in British Columbia.” There was a moment of silence before Dean smiled at him. “There you go with the head-tilt thing again.”

  
“I didn’t realize I did that so much,” Cas admitted with a blush.

  
“I think it’s cute,” Dean said, which caused Cas to blush even harder. This was weird, right? This was supposed to be weird. Except it wasn’t.

  
“I don’t like to fly,” Dean blurted out. He seemed to realize how ridiculous and awkward his declaration was so he tried to explain his way out of it. “I mean, I would come visit you, but I don’t like to fly. Also, you never actually invited me, but if you did invite me I would have to say no because I--”

  
“Don’t like to fly,” Cas said, cutting him off. “That’s unfortunate because I would have loved some company.”

  
“Really?” There was a spark of hope, or something more, in Dean’s eyes. Cas couldn’t seem to look away.

  
“You know,” Cas began, tentatively, “there’s a school on the west coast that also offered me a spot.” He spoke slowly, distinctly, so that Dean would be able to understand what he was really trying to say. “Their semester doesn’t start until the spring.”

  
To Cas’s delight, Dean’s face relaxed and he took a step closer. Dean’s eyes flicked around his face, taking in his features, landing on his lips for a long moment before Dean looked away with a blush.

  
“Just enough time for a road trip,” Cas suggested. “Somewhere new. Somewhere warm.”

  
Dean beamed at him. Somewhere - anywhere - with you, Cas thought as he let his carefully laid plans be cast aside.

  
“You know - I have the perfect car for a road trip.”

  
“Perfect.”


	11. One Year Later

The snow was falling gently outside the window but Cas hardly noticed. He was in the kitchen, washing a load of dishes after a lovely holiday meal. He could hear the laughter and chatter coming from the living room but he couldn’t tell what the others were talking about. He smiled to himself, remembering the first time he had experienced this type of conversation. It seemed like just yesterday. But so much had happened since this time last year.

  
Cas put the last of the plates on the drying rack, drying his hands within a snowman-plastered towel before he walked into the living room to join the rest of the family.

  
“Thanks, for helping out, Cas,” Mary said as soon as he stepped into the room.

  
“My pleasure, Mary. Thank you for cooking. It was wonderful.” Mary smiled at him in thanks before turning back to the conversation with her father-in-law.

  
Suddenly, there were two strong arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him down onto the couch. He landed with an oomph, half-sitting, half-leaning on Dean.

  
“You’re making me look bad, Cas,” Dean jokingly chidded.

  
“Impossible, you always look amazing.”

  
Cas would never get over the way Dean blushed at his compliments. Even more amazing was the way Dean reacted when Cas leaned in to give him a gentle peck on the lips. Cas could feel Dean’s hum of appreciation, could feel the smile that Dean tried to suppress so as not to break their kiss.

  
“Get a room, you two!” Sam yelled from across the room.

  
“Shut it, Sammy! You’re just jealous because this time last year Cas was going to marry you. You snooze, you lose.”

  
Cas shook his head in resignation. By now, it was a running joke between the two brothers. Cas thought he should be bothered by it, but he wasn’t. As hard as it had been to go through his fake engagement last year, it was what had brought him here, to this family, to Dean.

  
“Time for presents,” John announced, carrying in a large box of gifts. Cas draped an arm across Dean’s shoulders and together they watched as everyone gathered around to accept the brightly wrapped boxes.

  
“To Dean and Cas, from Bobby,” John announced, handing one of the gifts their way.

  
“Thanks, Bobby,” Dean said, smiling at the man across the room.

  
“To Henry, from Cas,” John continued. And on and on until everyone had given a gift and received a gift. People showed off their gifts, and talked excitedly about what they had just received, and in one case there was a squeal of excitement as Krissy opened her gift from Mary. Cas smiled as he watched the scene unfold.

  
“You OK, Cas?” Dean asked. His thumb was rubbing gently against Cas’s thigh in a soothing gesture.

  
“Of course,” Cas reassured him with a smile. “This is exactly what I wanted.”

  
“Yeah?”

  
“Absolutely.”

  
“OK, that’s the last of the presents,” John announced.

  
“Actually, Dad,” Dean piped up, “I think there’s one more.” To Cas’s surprise, Dean gently pushed him off his lap, forcing Cas to stand up. Dean stood with him and took Cas’s hand in his, giving it a gently squeeze in reassurance. Cas wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen next, but he never expected Dean to bend down onto one knee in front of him.

  
Everyone else in the room seemed to fade away as Cas registered what was happening. Dean was looking up at him with so much love and hope that it almost took his breath away.

  
“Cas, I have to ask you a question.”

  
It took him a second to realize that he was laughing and crying at the same time. He wanted Dean to hurry up and ask so that they could start kissing. But he also wanted Dean to slow down and let him take this all in. It was the second time he had been proposed to by one of the Winchester brothers, but hopefully, it would be the last.

  
“Cas…” Dean whispered, bring his attention back to the man he loved.

  
“Yes!”

  
“Will you--”

  
“Yes!”

  
Dean struggled to control the smile that broke out across his face. But he was still down on one knee, so he was obviously determined to ask the question.

  
“Will you marry me?” he asked in a rush before Cas could interrupt him again.

  
“Yes!”

  
Dean beamed up at him before he jumped up and pulled Cas into his arms. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders, their lips colliding quickly. Cas would have kissed Dean forever if the sounds of cheers and laughter hadn’t interrupted them. He tried to pull back but Dean wouldn’t let him get too far, resting his forehead against Cas’s.

  
“I’m sorry I had to propose in front of everyone,” Dean whispered so that only he could hear. “I wanted to make sure everyone knew this was for real.”

  
“Do you think they figured it out yet?” Cas teased. They turned to look at the rest of the group, all of them smiling at the newly engaged couple. Krissy even managed to sneak in a picture before Mary made her put away her cell phone.

  
Dean turned back to Cas and smiled at him. It was a bright smile, full of love and excitement and everything that Cas wanted to the rest of this life to look like.

  
“Yeah, I think they know,” Dean admitted. “I love you.”

  
“I love you, too. More kissing, please.”

  
Dean chuckled, but leaned in to give Cas exactly what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking this journey with me! I hope you enjoyed it! Go give some love to rosie-berber on Tumblr because I could not have done this without her! Merry Christmas, everyone!!


End file.
